Big Stan

This is really not going to be long.

Director: Rob Schnieder
Writer: Josh Lieb

If there's an actor I can't stand more than Matthew Broderick, it's got to be Rob Schnieder. Fuck him. I hate his acting, I hate his directing. I hate this film. Don't get me wrong, both these guys are probably lovely in person and I'm not going to judge them as people but...whenever I see them on screen I wanna hit something.

So what can I say about this film? It has some incredibly good actors in it, especially Jennifer Morrison who I just love in Once Upon A Time, there's also David Carradine who you might know from Kill Bill volumes 1 and 2. Let's have a look at who else is in this, Scott Wilson (Hershel from The Walking Dead), Richard Kind, (a hell of a lot of Pixar movies), Jackson Rathbone (Twilight series) Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel from The Simpsons) and a fair few others so I really can't wrap my mind around the fact that this film sucks when you've got some amazing actors involved. Fuck.

The story falls flat on its face. Rob Schnieder gets sent to prison and has six months get his affairs in order before actually going behind bars. Fine, could be fun to see what goes down with that. Schnieder gets help from "The Master" played by David Carradine to toughen up and not get raped in jail. Again, fair enough. Where it falls apart is around the 40-minute mark, I know it was 40 minutes because I thought the film was almost over and there was an hour left. The film falls apart because this tiny ass 30-40-year-old man walks into a prison and just takes control. If I was in a prison and he walked in trying that shit I'd beat the hell out of him. And if I couldn't take him alone what with all that martial arts training he had then I'd get my gang to help me, not fucking run at him one at a time.

Speaking of martial arts training, during the first act of the film, we see Schnieder learning karate. No problem with that right so why bring it up? I'm bringing it up because he was in a child's class. Was there just such little demand for adult classes? Can this billionaire not afford private classes? What the fuck?

I will say this, there is one funny line. During a shower scene, the leader of the nazi gang has made a shiv out of a melted toothbrush and a razor blade, Schnieder sees the guy coming up behind him in a reflection and fights him. He gets sliced on the chest, looks down at it, looks back up at the guy and just says Quote: "that's gonna scar, you psycho." That's honestly just it.

The film, aside from that line, isn't funny, or worth watching. It's a waste of time and I checked the time 6 times throughout the film, at one point it was it had been 2 minutes since the last time I'd checked. This is the only time I willingly watched a Rob Schnieder film, I've been forced to do this twice, once by my best friend and the other by my boyfriend. Love hurts right. God, I need some vodka.

Ok I'm out, sorry this was short but...I can only say "this isn't a good film". There's nothing specifically bad, it's just bad. How this got a higher rating than Amy Schumer's Leather Special on Netflix is beyond me. Thinking about it, their comedy's on a similar wavelength except Schumer is less funny and grosser. Anyway, peace guys.

This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.