Matthew Broderick sucks but this movie doesn't.
Director: John Whitesell
Writers: Chris Ord
Matt Corman
Don Rhymer
Run time: 1hr 30minutes
Plot: The Finch family get some new neighbours who Steve (Matthew Broderick) sees as a threat to his perfect Christmas plans, especially when Buddy (Danny DeVito) decides he wants to be recognised for something.
Did you ever watch the live action version of How The Grinch Stole Christmas? Of course you have, for some reason that one is a classic staple of everyone's Christmas movie list, that's beside the point. Do you remember the scene where Martha May Whovier (Christine Baranski) is absolutely just one-upping Betty Lou Who (Molly Shannon)'s Christmas lights? So did the writers of this film. They remembered how truly hilarious that scene was, wrote a script around the idea and thought that this hilarity should be fronted by Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito. Now I'm not a huge fan of Broderick, he's just boring to watch and hi voice does my head in, and I've got nothing against Danny DeVito, I'm just not a fan of his stuff, but this film actually isn't all that bad. If I'm flicking through the channels and I see it, I put it on. It's a fun little film, even if it is full of problems. What are the problems I don't hear you ask? I'm gonna tell you.
First problem, and it's a big one. There is only one person that cares about what's going on, and he's made out to be a complete dick, that guy, is Broderick. The film acts like he's being unreasonable about all these lights being shone at all hours but...he's not. He's an eye doctor, that shit's important, and if you blind your town's eye doctor 'cause you want to be seen from space, then who's the real loser here? Also, if you're constantly blasting out shit loads of light, you can damage people's sleep cycles, you can really mess with the birds and other night animals which is just fucking selfish, Personally, I don't care if you mess with other peoples sleep cycles (unless they're the few people I love in my life, obviously), but if you fuck up an animals sleep cycle, you're in the bad books kidda. I hate to say this, but I'm definitely on Brodericks side with this, don't be fucking obnoxious in the pursuit of someone elses dream.
Another problem, some of the humour just falls flat, it's either predictable or jokes don't land like, for example; the Finch's young son, Carter (Dylan Blue) is looking at an almost naked painting of Tia Hall (Kristin Chenoweth) from back when she was a model for live painting. Tia says something along the lines of "I was just so sick of dating boys" then waves her hand at Carter saying "no offence". I get that it's supposed to be a cute little joke but...it's not funny. There's another joke where the daughters from both families are doing a performance at the winter festival, a la Mean Girls, and Broderick and DeVito are just catcalling their daughters, shouting "Who's your daddy" at them. They turn around and of course the joke is the guys are their daddies. Hahahaha catcalling your daughter is hilarious. Comedy gold people, comedy gold.
Also, DeVito's character Buddy, what a stupid name by the way, is a complete dick. I really hate this kind of character in live action films, in animation it doesn't bother me as much because it's not as tied to reality, you don't see Mickey Mouse providing for a family and paying the mortgage do you? No, 'cause he's gotta teach those kids morals, so the follow your dream narrative is fine in a cartoon because it encourages kids to follow their passions and set kids up for the fall into the abyss that is adulthood. In a live action comedy, targeted mostly towards adults, this sort of behaviour doesn't fly. He decides that his family can survive off the attention the fairy lights are getting him, he gives up his job and does increasingly stupid things to spite his neighbour. It's a wonder his wife even went back to him after he pawned one of her most treasured posessions. If my boyfriend sold off one of my mum's rings, my dad's chain or hell, even got rid of little Ted, he'd be gone forever. Wouldn't have it, and Tia shouldn't have stuck around when he sold off her grandmothers vase. Maybe I'm just a bitch and won't take any shit from anyone but, that's just me, I couldn't forgive something like that, maybe she could with the spirit of Christmas in her heart and such.
Onto the good stuff now, the title is hilarious to me. Deck The Halls? Let me explain if you're not seeing what I think is so funny. There's the obvious meaning behind it, deck the halls, decorating the houses, the main characters are called the Halls, it's cute. What's cracking me up is the fact that "deck" is a word used for multiple things; wooden patio, a part of a boat, knocking someone out. Yeah, not in keeping with the Christmas spirit but in at least the North of England it means to knock someone out. So Deck the Hall's makes a pretty funny title considering all Steve wants to do is knock them out. I find it funny.
Another good thing is that it's not too full on with the message of Christmas which, y'know, it's not suble by any means, but it's nicely slid in there. It gets a little bit too tedious when Christmas films try to shove the message down your throat, when you can do that yourself at Christmas dinner. It's just a good thing.
The rest of...everything is pretty pedestrian, typical "neighbours at war" story but with a Christmas message. It's a good film though, I know I've not sung its praises or anything spectacular but that's because the film itself isn't anything spectacular. Should give it a watch though, it's on Netflix for the Christmas season which...is very short at this point, however you should still watch it, if you've not already.
Anyway, peace out, stay warm, stay hydrated, see you soon.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
Showing posts with label Netflix. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Netflix. Show all posts
Sunday, 24 December 2017
Friday, 22 December 2017
Scrooged
A more cynical telling of A Christmas Carol
Director: Richard Donner
Writers: Mitch Glazer
Michael O'Donoghue
Runtime: 1hr 41 minutes
Plot: A TV Exec, who lives a parrallelI(ish) life to Ebenezer Scrooge, goes through a similar experience with the three ghosts.
I really like this movie. It's dark, it's funny, it's Bill Murray, it's a Dickens classic all dressed up for the modern world, it's just good. I don't know how else to praise it except for going into it so...here we go.
Let's get the bad out of the way first. There is a moment towards the end of the Ghost Of Christmas Present segment, where Frank (Murray) has come back after his experience with the Ghost of Christmas Past and is on his way down to see how the rehearsals are going for his show. This isn't just any rehearsal mind, it's the final dress rehearsal for a live TV performance. That's a stressful rehearsal, it's got to be perfect so that the people behind the scenes can feel comfortable that what they're putting out there is good. Now then, before Frank comes into the scene, we see how the rehearsal starts off. First with the words "Last dress rehearsal guys", then with the man playing Scrooge getting stuck on one of his lines and breaking character. BIG ol' no no. Don't do that in your last dress rehearsal. What happens after this? The cast is rewarded with an hours lunch. When this happened I just paused the film for a moment and thought "is this real life?" Is this really what writers think final dress rehearsals are? You fuck up a line and you get an hours break? No honey. In my experience with final dress rehearsals (I've not done any for TV but I've done for stage), you get your lunch when the final rehearsal is done. You mess up a line, you carry the hell on, you don't get lunch 'til your final run through is done. I don't know if they did things like this in the 80's but...I don't know, it just sounds weird to be that laid back.
Looking back on my notes, that's the only negative thing I wrote down worth making a point of, the rest are just easy jokes and aren't even that bad.
With that said, onto the good stuff, which amazingly, also has very few notes.
First good thing, the transitions between Frank and the ghosts in wherever they are and then Frank back in the real world are really good. They flow really well with the final moment of the previous scene and the start of the current one which...transitions should do really, but here they're almost flawless. Almost, because nothing is perfect, even in 80's Christmas.
Another cool thing is that the names aren't the same as the classic characters and I can think of two immediate reasons why. One, because in this universe, the story of A Christmas Carol already exists, it'd be a little too obvious to have your main character, who loves an almsot parrallel life to Scrooge, be named something similar. It's just easier to go with the classic Frank than...Edward or something. The other reason, so that you can separate this version from A Christmas Carol. Don't get me wrong, this is still a variation of the classic story, however, it's a very cynical version of the story and, honestly, I don't know how dark the original material is but everyone sees this as a warm story in which a man sees the error of his ways and comes to love Christmas as a time for Joy. This film kind of goes the same route, just not as family friendly, even with Bill Murray leading it. There are sex jokes, there are jokes about the temper of the Ghost of Christmas Present, there's a man holding a gun on an entire room to help Frank reinforce the ideals of Christmas. It's great.
Finally, I want to talk about the ghosts. They're not the classic versions of themselves and that's good, helps the film get more of its own identity rather than someone just going "oh the past ghost is a calm and patient being" "oh the present ghost is someone who just adores christmas" "well well well would ya look at that, the Ghost of Christmas future is dressed like death". The ghosts in this film seem to reflect Frank's experiences with people in the time periods he sees them in.
The first ghost, the Ghost of Christmas Past (David Johansen) is a very rough, New York taxi driver, in a reflection of his childhood and his father. His father was a dick and if you disregard the jokes about a 4 year old being unable to get a job...
Franks mother: Earl, he's only 4 years old
Franks father: All day long, I listen to people give excuses why they can't work. "My back hurts" "my legs ache" "I'm only 4"
This guy's a real dick, just how many people would see a New York taxi driver, looking the way he does, that's what you assume of him.
The next ghost, the Ghost of Christmas Present is hilarious in her representation. She represents the idea of Christmas hitting you in the face with it's happiness and love and joy and I know that happiness and joy are basically the same thing but she's just double happy. I wrote down in my notes that she was the "Ghost of Christmas abuse" which...really, Christmas is pretty abusive. Don't get me wrong, I was listening to Jingle Bell Rock back in August, I love Christmas, but the second it turns 00:00 on November first, Christmas is everywhere it gets fucking exhausting. There's just so much of it everywhere and it can feel like if you try to escape it, you get a slap from all the decorations or marketing people.
Finally, there's the ghost of Christmas Future. There's a scene after Frank gets dropped by the Ghost of Christmas Present and he almost immediately sees the costume of the Ghost of Christmas Future for the live show and has a bit of a breakdown, more than he already is. Which then transitions into him going into the elevator and coming across the actual ghost, who is dressed in a similar way. The costuming looks cheap but I promise it isn't. It's actually pretty clever, he's literally just seen something that scared him and because the future is uncertain, and the Ghost of Christmas Future is generally ambiguous due to the fact of it being uncertain. This being took the form that scared him the most and decided to take that form and run with it, scare the hell out of him and do what needs to be done.
That last paragraph felt like it should have been in an English exam, wow. Anyway, I really like this film, it's funny enough and dark enough for me to want to watch it again, probably if nothing else is on or if I'm just lounging about and bored. That does happen a lot though. So I'll probably watch this a lot over the next week or so.
Anyway, that's it for today, should get on it, it's on Netflix for now, I guess it will probably stop being on there after the Christmas period so go on. Peace out, stay hydrated kids. Have fun, love you. Bye.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
Director: Richard Donner
Writers: Mitch Glazer
Michael O'Donoghue
Runtime: 1hr 41 minutes
Plot: A TV Exec, who lives a parrallelI(ish) life to Ebenezer Scrooge, goes through a similar experience with the three ghosts.
I really like this movie. It's dark, it's funny, it's Bill Murray, it's a Dickens classic all dressed up for the modern world, it's just good. I don't know how else to praise it except for going into it so...here we go.
Let's get the bad out of the way first. There is a moment towards the end of the Ghost Of Christmas Present segment, where Frank (Murray) has come back after his experience with the Ghost of Christmas Past and is on his way down to see how the rehearsals are going for his show. This isn't just any rehearsal mind, it's the final dress rehearsal for a live TV performance. That's a stressful rehearsal, it's got to be perfect so that the people behind the scenes can feel comfortable that what they're putting out there is good. Now then, before Frank comes into the scene, we see how the rehearsal starts off. First with the words "Last dress rehearsal guys", then with the man playing Scrooge getting stuck on one of his lines and breaking character. BIG ol' no no. Don't do that in your last dress rehearsal. What happens after this? The cast is rewarded with an hours lunch. When this happened I just paused the film for a moment and thought "is this real life?" Is this really what writers think final dress rehearsals are? You fuck up a line and you get an hours break? No honey. In my experience with final dress rehearsals (I've not done any for TV but I've done for stage), you get your lunch when the final rehearsal is done. You mess up a line, you carry the hell on, you don't get lunch 'til your final run through is done. I don't know if they did things like this in the 80's but...I don't know, it just sounds weird to be that laid back.
Looking back on my notes, that's the only negative thing I wrote down worth making a point of, the rest are just easy jokes and aren't even that bad.
With that said, onto the good stuff, which amazingly, also has very few notes.
First good thing, the transitions between Frank and the ghosts in wherever they are and then Frank back in the real world are really good. They flow really well with the final moment of the previous scene and the start of the current one which...transitions should do really, but here they're almost flawless. Almost, because nothing is perfect, even in 80's Christmas.
Another cool thing is that the names aren't the same as the classic characters and I can think of two immediate reasons why. One, because in this universe, the story of A Christmas Carol already exists, it'd be a little too obvious to have your main character, who loves an almsot parrallel life to Scrooge, be named something similar. It's just easier to go with the classic Frank than...Edward or something. The other reason, so that you can separate this version from A Christmas Carol. Don't get me wrong, this is still a variation of the classic story, however, it's a very cynical version of the story and, honestly, I don't know how dark the original material is but everyone sees this as a warm story in which a man sees the error of his ways and comes to love Christmas as a time for Joy. This film kind of goes the same route, just not as family friendly, even with Bill Murray leading it. There are sex jokes, there are jokes about the temper of the Ghost of Christmas Present, there's a man holding a gun on an entire room to help Frank reinforce the ideals of Christmas. It's great.
Finally, I want to talk about the ghosts. They're not the classic versions of themselves and that's good, helps the film get more of its own identity rather than someone just going "oh the past ghost is a calm and patient being" "oh the present ghost is someone who just adores christmas" "well well well would ya look at that, the Ghost of Christmas future is dressed like death". The ghosts in this film seem to reflect Frank's experiences with people in the time periods he sees them in.
The first ghost, the Ghost of Christmas Past (David Johansen) is a very rough, New York taxi driver, in a reflection of his childhood and his father. His father was a dick and if you disregard the jokes about a 4 year old being unable to get a job...
Franks mother: Earl, he's only 4 years old
Franks father: All day long, I listen to people give excuses why they can't work. "My back hurts" "my legs ache" "I'm only 4"
This guy's a real dick, just how many people would see a New York taxi driver, looking the way he does, that's what you assume of him.
The next ghost, the Ghost of Christmas Present is hilarious in her representation. She represents the idea of Christmas hitting you in the face with it's happiness and love and joy and I know that happiness and joy are basically the same thing but she's just double happy. I wrote down in my notes that she was the "Ghost of Christmas abuse" which...really, Christmas is pretty abusive. Don't get me wrong, I was listening to Jingle Bell Rock back in August, I love Christmas, but the second it turns 00:00 on November first, Christmas is everywhere it gets fucking exhausting. There's just so much of it everywhere and it can feel like if you try to escape it, you get a slap from all the decorations or marketing people.
Finally, there's the ghost of Christmas Future. There's a scene after Frank gets dropped by the Ghost of Christmas Present and he almost immediately sees the costume of the Ghost of Christmas Future for the live show and has a bit of a breakdown, more than he already is. Which then transitions into him going into the elevator and coming across the actual ghost, who is dressed in a similar way. The costuming looks cheap but I promise it isn't. It's actually pretty clever, he's literally just seen something that scared him and because the future is uncertain, and the Ghost of Christmas Future is generally ambiguous due to the fact of it being uncertain. This being took the form that scared him the most and decided to take that form and run with it, scare the hell out of him and do what needs to be done.
That last paragraph felt like it should have been in an English exam, wow. Anyway, I really like this film, it's funny enough and dark enough for me to want to watch it again, probably if nothing else is on or if I'm just lounging about and bored. That does happen a lot though. So I'll probably watch this a lot over the next week or so.
Anyway, that's it for today, should get on it, it's on Netflix for now, I guess it will probably stop being on there after the Christmas period so go on. Peace out, stay hydrated kids. Have fun, love you. Bye.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
Thursday, 23 November 2017
Hush
This is a fucking sick film!
Director: Mike Flanagan
Director: Mike Flanagan
Writers: Mike
Flanagan
Kate Siegal
Run time: 1hr
12minutes
Plot: A deaf woman
finds herself trapped in her secluded home, fighting for her life with a manic
trying to kill her.
Important issues first, there is a cute little cat in this
film but don’t you worry, it’s ok, it survives to the end so if you watch this
film after you’ve read this review then you won’t have a mini heart attack.
With that out of the way, let’s get to the other important thing here, the
film. Hush is in the critically acclaimed section of Netflix, and rightfully
so, it’s pretty damn good and is the film that spawned my love for John
Gallagher Jr. I may have mentioned before that I love this guy but I’m not
sure, either way I love this guy. He’s a good actor and it sucks that he’s not
in the mainstream eye all that much. Then again if he’s doing smaller films
like this maybe it’s best he stays out of the big ol’ spotlight. Besides the
point. The point is, this is a great film and I’m gonna tell you why.
It’s an almost silent film. How can nobody appreciate that?
It’s rare as hell, in fact the only thing I’ve seen lately that’s a quiet /
silent film and that’s the upcoming Emily Blunt and John Kraninski film (name
of movie here). The only thing you can hear in this is Maddie’s (Kate Siegel)
breath, the sounds being made around the house and John Gallagher Jr talking
every now and then. The almost absence of sound absolutely draws you in. You’re
listening out for Maddie as if you could help her and tell her where this
psycho is. You’re listening out for everything for her because...honestly
there’s no boring dialogue to sit through, no overly talked out exposition
giving us the characters backstory, their grandmothers backstory and a random
rocks ancestry. It’s a nice break. Genuinely.
Another pretty cool thing to do with this film was to make
the main character deaf. Everybody’s always talking about representation for
everybody and this is a damn good representation of a woman who will not be
held back by her inability to speak or hear. There are some crazy things this
girl does which is dumb but I won’t hold it against her because she’s a fucking
badass. At one point guys, she’s been shot in the leg with an arrow and she
carries the fuck on. Later on in the film she dips into her hole in her leg,
gathers some blood on her finger and writes on the window, daring her tormentor
to kill her, calling him a coward. If she’s not a character to look up to then
I got no idea who is.
"The Man" is also the smartest killer I've seen in
a long time in film. At one point, Maddie writes on her window that she won't
tell the police because she didn't see his face. So what does he do? He takes
his mask off and tells her that he's going to mentally torture her until he can
be bothered killing her. I love it. And his motives are never explained which
is the best thing about the character. It's scarier to leave things to the
imagination. It's scarier to believe that he's just doing it because he can,
not because he had a messed up childhood or whatever it is that films blame the
development of murderers on.
Finally, and this is my absolute favourite thing about the
film is that it's so realistic. You know how in horror films, if you've seen enough
of them, you're complaining that the characters are always doing the exact
wrong thing so that they don't get caught? Well in this, Maddie thinks through
her options, she tries her best to work out the best way to get herself out of
the situation. There are a few things that do mean she's following the ways of
the normal horror films, however, she still manages to come out the better
horror heroine.
As much as I've had to say praising this film, it does have
its drawbacks which, thankfully, there aren't many of.
First of all, the acting in this film is fantastic, I love
it...from almost everybody. Emma Graves who plays Maddie's sister, Max is
terrible. She's just so wooden in this and it's almost like she just doesn't
care because her role is filmed over a webcam rather than right in front of the
cameras. I don't know if this was her first film or not but hopefully, if she's
been in anything else she's gotten better.
Another thing that goes against the film is just general
things such as getting shot in the leg with an arrow and bending your legs back
to lie down. Then taking the arrow out of your leg while it's bent. Problem 1
with this, you probably wouldn't bend like that if you had just been
cross-bowed in the thigh. Problem 2, common sense dictates there is more risk
pulling out the arrow than keeping it in your leg, you could rip an artery
leading to a faster death, you could make the injury worse, if there was poison
on the tip you could risk moving it around your system faster than you would
just keeping the damned thing in your leg. Problem 3, if you do decide to take
out the arrow, don't take it out while your leg is bent in a way that would
push all your blood out.
Finally, there's a moment where Maddie tries to get the cat
to come to her by rattling the cats food. Fair enough right? My cat comes
bounding out of nowhere if he even hears me go to the kitchen. Problem being
she continually moves away from the cats eating place and from what I've seen
in cats, they hear their food they go to where their food usually is. They
won't play "find the dish" they'll sit there yelling at you like a
petulant toddler until they get their food. So in Maddie wandering about, she could
be losing the cat easily.
The absolute worst thing about the film, however, is that
Maddie names her cat Bitch. Poor baby, although I suppose it's a better name
than Shits (The real name of the cat my friend used to have until she recently
passed away. The cat not the friend.)
Anyway, that's it for today. This film is pretty fucking
cool and I love it and you should watch it and love it too. Pretty much
everything works in the films advantage and it's just so tense to watch this
deaf woman with basically no sensory or physical advantage take on a maniac who
is just determined to kill her. It's a great watch and it's back up on Netflix
in the Critically Acclaimed section so you go ahead and watch it. Stay hydrated
and have a lovely day. Peace out.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
Thursday, 9 November 2017
Bernie
A weird "true story" film
Director: Richard Linklater
Writers: Skip Hollandsworth (Based on the article in Texas Monthly & Screenplay)
Richard Linklater (Screenplay)
Runtime: 1hr 45minutes
Plot: The nicest man in town, befriends a widow (who's husband he performed the funeral of) and lives the high life with her until he kills her, it's not as malicious as it sounds.
Bernie (Jack Black) is such a sweet murderer that you really do feel for, and this isn't a work of fiction either. Granted some things in the film are probably the work of fiction, such as the little moment where a couple of teenagers are killed in a head on collision and some dude is in the background dressed as death and while it's funny, it may not have actually happened. The film is pretty funny, despite its dark content and is something I really recommend you watch, it's on Netflix right now but I don't know how long it's gonna be up there for. Why is it worth watching? Let's get into it?
First of all, that dude dressed as death that I mentioned before was hilarious, if that was something that carried through to the murder of Mrs Nugent (Shirly MacLaine) it could have gone down well, just have the guy walk past in the background or something and not really interact with the situation but then again, from what I read about the family of Mrs Nugent not being 100% on board with the portrayal of Bernie Tiede maybe it wouldn't go so well.
Another thing that I like about the film is just how precious Jack Black is as this guy, you literally would never think he could kill someone by shooting them 4 times in the back. Literally, every other note I made on this film was "bless this little nugget" and honestly...he's a precious little nugget. I can't find a problem with this guy as a character, he's a Christian who wanted to be an evangelist but decided to go into funeral directory's which is cool, could probably make good money being in that business considering what we paid for my mother, hell I should give up on this and go into that business. Besides the point, irrelevant. Bernie is also into musicals and Broadway shows and just into helping people in general and it's so cool. He does also have his negative points, like...he's an idiot. There's a moment in the film where Mrs Nugent asks Bernie for her pills before eating and he's like "what pills?" and...given the length of the amount of time these people have known each other (at least a few months) he would have remembered that she takes pills before eating y'know? Just a silly thing to put in there but...y'know.
Mrs Nugent, pre-death, is insanely relatable to me. She's a cold-hearted bitch who is tight with her money, has a tantrum over small disagreements citing that the person she's arguing with hates her, and she's very petty. For example, there's a moment where she's mad at Bernie for being late to pick up her dress from the dry-cleaners and they go to brunch and she chews her re-fried beans about 40 times just to irritate Bernie. That is a level of petty I would like to get to when I'm her age. Absolutely perfect.
Finally, I want to talk about Bernie's trial after murdering her. Everyone in town sticks up for Bernie, they all claim he was pushed to do it, he felt trapped and everyone had thought to kill her anyway, just give him a lighter sentence. All that fun stuff. Well, because of that, the trial had to be moved out of town because they most likely wouldn't have gotten a fair trial. Once that's been done and the trials on, Danny Buck (Matthew McConaughey) asks Bernie some stupid questions, trying to say that Bernie likes the finer things in life. Questions like "what wine would you say goes well with fish?" I'm pretty sure it's common knowledge that it's white wine that goes with fish right? I don't even drink wine and I know this, plus, I'm broke as hell, can't even afford to get myself a blue WKD to go with Asda's own Mac & Cheese (which is a great combo btw) so judging by that logic, I enjoy the finer things in life because...I know white wine goes with fish? Another thing to prove that Bernie likes the finer things in life is that he knows how to pronounce Les Miserables...let's go back a couple paragraphs. "Bernie is also into musicals and Broadway shows". Need I say more?
I honestly can't think of anything especially terrible about this film other than those little nitpicky things, it's not the worst thing I've ever seen but it's not the best. Jack Black is...Jack Black and what can you say about him other than he throws everything he has into everything he does and whether that's good or bad, it's something interesting to watch. That's it so as I said, you should go watch this film, it's pretty good. Peace out and stay hydrated.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
Thursday, 29 June 2017
13 Reasons Why - Episode 11
Clay's tape...
13 Reasons Why
Episode 11: Tape 10, Side A
Ya girl's back, I took an extended break from the series because I knew this episode was next and I didn't want to see this character hurt and I didn't want to know of Hannah's reason for it even though I kind of already knew what it was. Either way, I avoided it because I wasn't looking forward to it but you can't keep running from your commitments.
Episode Plot: Clay finds out how "he killed Hannah" and...it's equal parts stupid and heartbreaking.
Opening credits: These are still some ugly, headache inducing opening credits. The music, however, does seem to fit with the tone of the show. The music is a little uncomfortable and the topics of suicide/teen suicide/blaming everyone around you for your choice to end your life are uncomfortable and in the case of this show, controversial. I stand by what I said in an earlier review that Th1rteen R3asons Why is still fuck ugly and shouldn't be a thing that they continue into the second series.
Go away: What did Clay do to Hannah to kill her then? He did as she asked. They were alone together, getting ready to do the do but then she gets flashbacks to everything that's happened to her before and she freaks out and gets upset. Fair enough, Clay asks her what's up and she just tells him to leave her alone and that she doesn't wanna see him. So he does as he's told, he respects her wishes and leaves her to it. How does Hannah manipulate the situation for her to be the victim? She says Quote: "But you walked out the door like I told you to. Why did you have to leave?" ...??????
Excuse me, honey, no man is psychic in fact a lot of them are idiots but half of the time I think that's down to us not explaining ourselves. If you wanted to be left alone but not then just ask him to sit with you for a bit, maybe he would have sat and calmed you down, told you he loved you maybe. This is such a problem with people, mostly girls but some guys do it too where they say one thing but mean another, there are memes about it and it's not a healthy thing to do. Do not expect anybody to read your mind when you say one thing but mean another. If you want someone to leave you alone but stay with you then say that and lay out the boundaries, if you're hungry and know what to eat don't say "I don't know" then shoot down every option you're given unless your option is given. Don't do that, what do you achieve in doing that? It seems pretty manipulative the more you think about it, doesn't it? You're controlling whoever you're doing this to and it makes them feel bad when you call them out on it when...you're the one being an ass. Just my opinion tho, if you wanna be that kind of person then you go for it, nothing I say is gonna stop you.
I love you: This episode made me cry, I won't deny it, I'm human. I cry at everything lately I mean...the other day I said I'd fight someone or something, Ben said no you're too soft so I was like nah, I'm not soft I'll fuckin fight and he said, out of his mouth, to my face "no, you're more like a liquid". Man, that set me right off, I was in tears from being called a fucking liquid. Point being, my boyfriend gave me the weakest insult and I cry over the smallest things.
The scene that made me cry in this episode wasn't a small thing, it was a scene in which Clay was thinking about how things could have gone differently, how he should have pressed Hannah for an answer to see if she was ok and what was up, how he should have told her he loved her, how she said "why couldn't you say that when I was alive" and...fuck man it's just heavy. Like it's heavy because if you've gone through any kind of loss, whether it be falling out with a friend, to ripping a plastic bag to death, you can spend a hell of a lot of time just dwelling on what you could have done differently, what you could have said differently to ensure things go down a different path. It's heartbreaking to just watch this scene, even worse to see Clay stand on the edge of a cliff wanting to jump off because he was too scared to tell Hannah he loved her and because he believes he was the one who killed her.
Texting the victim: Moving on from sadness we get some anger. Justin gets into an argument with his step-dad/mothers boyfriend and leaves, heads over to Bryce's house where he finds Jessica, a little drunk and playing cards with her rapist. In an attempt to upset Justin further she sits on Bryce's lap and Justin reacts by dragging her the hell out of there, she's like "go on, say it bitch, tell me what my drunk ass knows" and he does, he tells her Bryce raped her and she fucking slaps him. I understand that but like...shouldn't you have done that to Bryce too???? Then, later in the night, Jessica is crying on her bed, obviously trying to come to terms with what's happened and you know what happens? Fucking Bryce. Bryce has the balls to text her saying something like "hey you ok?" Like, no, that's gross and inappropriate and I hope you get what's coming to you butthead. Fuck off.
Those were the big points for this episode. It's a heavy one but an important one and it made me cry. Peace out, see you tomorrow.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
13 Reasons Why
Episode 11: Tape 10, Side A
Ya girl's back, I took an extended break from the series because I knew this episode was next and I didn't want to see this character hurt and I didn't want to know of Hannah's reason for it even though I kind of already knew what it was. Either way, I avoided it because I wasn't looking forward to it but you can't keep running from your commitments.
Episode Plot: Clay finds out how "he killed Hannah" and...it's equal parts stupid and heartbreaking.
Opening credits: These are still some ugly, headache inducing opening credits. The music, however, does seem to fit with the tone of the show. The music is a little uncomfortable and the topics of suicide/teen suicide/blaming everyone around you for your choice to end your life are uncomfortable and in the case of this show, controversial. I stand by what I said in an earlier review that Th1rteen R3asons Why is still fuck ugly and shouldn't be a thing that they continue into the second series.
Go away: What did Clay do to Hannah to kill her then? He did as she asked. They were alone together, getting ready to do the do but then she gets flashbacks to everything that's happened to her before and she freaks out and gets upset. Fair enough, Clay asks her what's up and she just tells him to leave her alone and that she doesn't wanna see him. So he does as he's told, he respects her wishes and leaves her to it. How does Hannah manipulate the situation for her to be the victim? She says Quote: "But you walked out the door like I told you to. Why did you have to leave?" ...??????
Excuse me, honey, no man is psychic in fact a lot of them are idiots but half of the time I think that's down to us not explaining ourselves. If you wanted to be left alone but not then just ask him to sit with you for a bit, maybe he would have sat and calmed you down, told you he loved you maybe. This is such a problem with people, mostly girls but some guys do it too where they say one thing but mean another, there are memes about it and it's not a healthy thing to do. Do not expect anybody to read your mind when you say one thing but mean another. If you want someone to leave you alone but stay with you then say that and lay out the boundaries, if you're hungry and know what to eat don't say "I don't know" then shoot down every option you're given unless your option is given. Don't do that, what do you achieve in doing that? It seems pretty manipulative the more you think about it, doesn't it? You're controlling whoever you're doing this to and it makes them feel bad when you call them out on it when...you're the one being an ass. Just my opinion tho, if you wanna be that kind of person then you go for it, nothing I say is gonna stop you.
I love you: This episode made me cry, I won't deny it, I'm human. I cry at everything lately I mean...the other day I said I'd fight someone or something, Ben said no you're too soft so I was like nah, I'm not soft I'll fuckin fight and he said, out of his mouth, to my face "no, you're more like a liquid". Man, that set me right off, I was in tears from being called a fucking liquid. Point being, my boyfriend gave me the weakest insult and I cry over the smallest things.
The scene that made me cry in this episode wasn't a small thing, it was a scene in which Clay was thinking about how things could have gone differently, how he should have pressed Hannah for an answer to see if she was ok and what was up, how he should have told her he loved her, how she said "why couldn't you say that when I was alive" and...fuck man it's just heavy. Like it's heavy because if you've gone through any kind of loss, whether it be falling out with a friend, to ripping a plastic bag to death, you can spend a hell of a lot of time just dwelling on what you could have done differently, what you could have said differently to ensure things go down a different path. It's heartbreaking to just watch this scene, even worse to see Clay stand on the edge of a cliff wanting to jump off because he was too scared to tell Hannah he loved her and because he believes he was the one who killed her.
Texting the victim: Moving on from sadness we get some anger. Justin gets into an argument with his step-dad/mothers boyfriend and leaves, heads over to Bryce's house where he finds Jessica, a little drunk and playing cards with her rapist. In an attempt to upset Justin further she sits on Bryce's lap and Justin reacts by dragging her the hell out of there, she's like "go on, say it bitch, tell me what my drunk ass knows" and he does, he tells her Bryce raped her and she fucking slaps him. I understand that but like...shouldn't you have done that to Bryce too???? Then, later in the night, Jessica is crying on her bed, obviously trying to come to terms with what's happened and you know what happens? Fucking Bryce. Bryce has the balls to text her saying something like "hey you ok?" Like, no, that's gross and inappropriate and I hope you get what's coming to you butthead. Fuck off.
Those were the big points for this episode. It's a heavy one but an important one and it made me cry. Peace out, see you tomorrow.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Thursday, 22 June 2017
13 Reasons Why - Episode 10
I'm so super extra mad about this.
13 Reasons Why
Episode 10: Tape 9, Side B
At the time of writing, it is 4:02 am and I have barely slept this whole week, however, through my sleep deprived enlightenment I have worked out the formula to this episode. This episode has a specific formula to it. It's filler, then a bombshell then rinse and repeat. It's not a good formula, it's not even an ok formula. The bombshells were kind of hit and miss and one of them was just plain horrible. Let's enjoy this...whatever the hell I type out about it.
Episode plot: It's Sheri's turn on the tapes, I think, the episode is more about Jeff (Brandon Larracuuente)'s death...I think. Honestly, I don't know what the hell happened to this one.
Murder...kinda: After witnessing Jessica get raped Hannah stays at the party and is kind of zoned out of reality, to the point where Sheri offers to take her home. Hannah accepts as long as Sheri isn't drunk and to prove that, Sheri does a cartwheel. Fair enough. Hannah says she can't go home drunk because she'll get lynched by her parents so Sheri says she can stay at her dad's with her. Hannah goes to either call or text her parents but sees her phone is dead so asks Sheri if she can use hers, Sheri says go for it and starts looking for her phone, takes her eyes off the wheel for a second and knocks a stop sign over. This is probably responsible for the car collision which kills Jeff.
Neither girl reports the incident at the time, mostly because Sheri is driving her father's car and is scared she fucked it up and wants to just get home whereas Hannah's guilt from not doing anything about Jessica's rape and feels a sudden urge to do the right thing here and when she does get a chance to call in the incident, someone has already beaten her to it. Of course, she thinks it's just about the stop sign but, big shock, Jeff is dead.
Bombshell No.1: So remember when I said that someone had beaten Hannah to calling in the incident? Of course you do, you read about it like 10 seconds ago. Turns out, it wasn't the stop sign being knocked over, it was the car accident which killed Jeff. This is nowhere near as impactful as it should have been and let me tell you why. Hannah is, at first, devastated and understandably so. She couldn't stop a rape and then she indirectly caused the death of one of her schoolmates, hell if I went through that I probably wouldn't be able to drag myself out of bed. She tearfully goes to Clay, I'm guessing to try and tell him what went down, and he just tells her outright that she has no right to be this upset because she hardly knew him and she always has to make it a melodrama about her.
I kind of see where he's coming from with this I mean, one of his close friends died and a girl who seems to make a drama out of everything comes up to him in tears. He's clearly feeling a fair amount of grief and doesn't need another drama on top of what he's going through so from his perspective at the time, it's understandable. He wants to deal with the death of his friend before having to deal with what he think's is petty melodrama from Hannah.
Who called it in?: Clay. Clay was the one who called in the death of his friend which is probably one of the most panic-filled moments of this kids entire life. He's seen death and he's known that person. That shit stays with you for a long time, and it makes Clay's reaction to Hannah approaching him a little more understandable.
Jeff's death: What I don't understand about this is that...I should care, even with my own experience with death, I should care that Clay found his close friend dead in such horrible circumstances. I don't. Why? Becuase there was only a basic connection established between the Jeff and Clay and there was also nothing that gave me any sort of connection to Jeff as a character. This guy's death literally felt like it was just shoved into the story just to serve Hannah and her journey to her death. This should have been a scene where you can feel something with Clay rather than for him and it just doesn't come across that way.
Bombshell No2.: Breaking news. Clay killed Hannah!!! Now let me tell you why I'm mad about this. If Clay did kill Hannah, why wouldn't she just make him one tape, just for him to tell what a scumbag he is? No. She made all of us waste our damn time on these tapes. Add to that, if she really wanted to be the ultimate sadist (which she has proven herself to be so far) wouldn't she have made him the very last tape? I dunno, fishy as hell.
Padding: This episode's biggest problem is that it's nothing especially important aside from the end, it's just padding, and nobody likes padding. I've heard that the series is based on a book where the events take place in just one day so transferring it to a series with 13 episodes is gonna need some padding but still, it's like they took all the padding from every episode in this series and the upcoming second series and just threw it into this episode. That might be an exaggeration but I don't care.
Fun story: It took me over a month to finish this and I genuinely thought I only had about one or two paragraphs written but I was farther than I thought. Thinking about it, this may not have been a "fun story" more, a stupid anecdote but I'm exhausted and slightly dehydrated and I don't wanna take a bath or shower because I'm a girl and love my showers/baths scalding hot. Don't feel like landing myself in a metaphorical hell rather than a real life one.
That's it folks, see you in the next one. Peace out and stay hydrated x
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
13 Reasons Why
Episode 10: Tape 9, Side B
At the time of writing, it is 4:02 am and I have barely slept this whole week, however, through my sleep deprived enlightenment I have worked out the formula to this episode. This episode has a specific formula to it. It's filler, then a bombshell then rinse and repeat. It's not a good formula, it's not even an ok formula. The bombshells were kind of hit and miss and one of them was just plain horrible. Let's enjoy this...whatever the hell I type out about it.
Episode plot: It's Sheri's turn on the tapes, I think, the episode is more about Jeff (Brandon Larracuuente)'s death...I think. Honestly, I don't know what the hell happened to this one.
Murder...kinda: After witnessing Jessica get raped Hannah stays at the party and is kind of zoned out of reality, to the point where Sheri offers to take her home. Hannah accepts as long as Sheri isn't drunk and to prove that, Sheri does a cartwheel. Fair enough. Hannah says she can't go home drunk because she'll get lynched by her parents so Sheri says she can stay at her dad's with her. Hannah goes to either call or text her parents but sees her phone is dead so asks Sheri if she can use hers, Sheri says go for it and starts looking for her phone, takes her eyes off the wheel for a second and knocks a stop sign over. This is probably responsible for the car collision which kills Jeff.
Neither girl reports the incident at the time, mostly because Sheri is driving her father's car and is scared she fucked it up and wants to just get home whereas Hannah's guilt from not doing anything about Jessica's rape and feels a sudden urge to do the right thing here and when she does get a chance to call in the incident, someone has already beaten her to it. Of course, she thinks it's just about the stop sign but, big shock, Jeff is dead.
Bombshell No.1: So remember when I said that someone had beaten Hannah to calling in the incident? Of course you do, you read about it like 10 seconds ago. Turns out, it wasn't the stop sign being knocked over, it was the car accident which killed Jeff. This is nowhere near as impactful as it should have been and let me tell you why. Hannah is, at first, devastated and understandably so. She couldn't stop a rape and then she indirectly caused the death of one of her schoolmates, hell if I went through that I probably wouldn't be able to drag myself out of bed. She tearfully goes to Clay, I'm guessing to try and tell him what went down, and he just tells her outright that she has no right to be this upset because she hardly knew him and she always has to make it a melodrama about her.
I kind of see where he's coming from with this I mean, one of his close friends died and a girl who seems to make a drama out of everything comes up to him in tears. He's clearly feeling a fair amount of grief and doesn't need another drama on top of what he's going through so from his perspective at the time, it's understandable. He wants to deal with the death of his friend before having to deal with what he think's is petty melodrama from Hannah.
Who called it in?: Clay. Clay was the one who called in the death of his friend which is probably one of the most panic-filled moments of this kids entire life. He's seen death and he's known that person. That shit stays with you for a long time, and it makes Clay's reaction to Hannah approaching him a little more understandable.
Jeff's death: What I don't understand about this is that...I should care, even with my own experience with death, I should care that Clay found his close friend dead in such horrible circumstances. I don't. Why? Becuase there was only a basic connection established between the Jeff and Clay and there was also nothing that gave me any sort of connection to Jeff as a character. This guy's death literally felt like it was just shoved into the story just to serve Hannah and her journey to her death. This should have been a scene where you can feel something with Clay rather than for him and it just doesn't come across that way.
Bombshell No2.: Breaking news. Clay killed Hannah!!! Now let me tell you why I'm mad about this. If Clay did kill Hannah, why wouldn't she just make him one tape, just for him to tell what a scumbag he is? No. She made all of us waste our damn time on these tapes. Add to that, if she really wanted to be the ultimate sadist (which she has proven herself to be so far) wouldn't she have made him the very last tape? I dunno, fishy as hell.
Padding: This episode's biggest problem is that it's nothing especially important aside from the end, it's just padding, and nobody likes padding. I've heard that the series is based on a book where the events take place in just one day so transferring it to a series with 13 episodes is gonna need some padding but still, it's like they took all the padding from every episode in this series and the upcoming second series and just threw it into this episode. That might be an exaggeration but I don't care.
Fun story: It took me over a month to finish this and I genuinely thought I only had about one or two paragraphs written but I was farther than I thought. Thinking about it, this may not have been a "fun story" more, a stupid anecdote but I'm exhausted and slightly dehydrated and I don't wanna take a bath or shower because I'm a girl and love my showers/baths scalding hot. Don't feel like landing myself in a metaphorical hell rather than a real life one.
That's it folks, see you in the next one. Peace out and stay hydrated x
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Thursday, 15 June 2017
13 Reasons Why - Episode 8
Why did the last one bring on such anger and this one bring on such pain?
13 Reasons Why
Episode 8: Tape 4, Side B
Mate, I don't know where to start. I like that Clay had the balls to think of himself for once but he just backtracked on it so...what was the point?
Plot: Clay gave up the tapes to Tony who proceeds to take him climbing. Hannah joins a poetry club where there is a plate of cookies. Hannah is (obviously) ultimately, horrifically betrayed.
Clay: Remember when I said that someone should give him medical attention or at least a plaster to cover his head gash because I just know something will happen and he's gonna get hurt again? Well, surprise surprise I was right. I'm getting sick of that feeling, to be honest...As I was saying, Clay is climbing this cliff face (I think) with Tony at Tony's request without any protective gear aside from some rope that Tony brings with them. At one point, some stones come loose and hit Clay in the face, hitting both the huge open wound on his head and in the eye, almost causing him to fall from his height. Can this boy just have someone looking after him at all times? I want him to be safe, stop hurting him. For real this is the only character I'm really latching onto so far aside from Hannah's mother (Kate Walsh). Bless him and keep him safe.
Tony: Bless this boy too. He was almost directly linked to Hannah's death in the sense that he didn't have the energy to deal with another human being's problems (which is a very ok thing to do if you've got your own shit to deal with, your own health is more important), the tapes show up at his door and he runs over to Hannah's where she's already dead. This is obviously a heartbreaking thing to see and is something I actually wanted to see from this series. People actually dealing with the suicide of a girl they knew, not the vengeance of the dead girl.
Pre-recorded: How far in advance did Hannah record these tapes? She couldn't have done it within the few hours between Tony saying he can't hear her shit right now and the tapes showing up at his door? I don't think so, especially considering she recorded two sets of them. I mean...I don't know what to even say, this girl clearly planned this out, it wasn't a spur of the moment, this was a very thoroughly thought out plan.
The betrayal: Hannah joins a poetry club and makes friends with Ryan (Tommy Dorfman) who she asks to help her be a better writer. She writes a lovely poem which Ryan asks if he can publish it in the school paper. I think she says no but I'm not sure. Anyway, he publishes it anonymously and the school reads it and a few people make fun of it. Like high schoolers would do. A couple of people work out that she wrote it but they don't call her out on it. They just giggle a tiny bit but they don't really seem to care. This obviously means that Hannah gives up her passion for writing and brings her that little bit closer to suicide.
Gay: Big shock, Tony is gay. I don't necessarily care about that but what I do care about is Tony's attitude. He and Ryan were once a thing apparently, but you see, they weren't friends. Quote: "You think I would be friends with a guy like Ryan?" I feel like you'd have to at least like him a tiny bit if you're gonna put your dick in him. Then again I don't know what the hate fucking community is like with gay guys so I can't really comment on it.
Hannah: Hannah's a dick but she writes beautifully, she should have listened to her teacher when she said it was good, she got the whole school talking about her writing. I understand that she would have been upset over this, she pours her soul out into her writing and people are laughing. If she'd left it a couple months and looked back on it maybe she would have seen the good it did. There was no reason for her to call Ryan self-serving when he published this poem anonymously for her, to get her voice heard. It just sucks that she's so bitter.
Anyway, that's what I thought of that. Peace out guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
13 Reasons Why
Episode 8: Tape 4, Side B
Mate, I don't know where to start. I like that Clay had the balls to think of himself for once but he just backtracked on it so...what was the point?
Plot: Clay gave up the tapes to Tony who proceeds to take him climbing. Hannah joins a poetry club where there is a plate of cookies. Hannah is (obviously) ultimately, horrifically betrayed.
Clay: Remember when I said that someone should give him medical attention or at least a plaster to cover his head gash because I just know something will happen and he's gonna get hurt again? Well, surprise surprise I was right. I'm getting sick of that feeling, to be honest...As I was saying, Clay is climbing this cliff face (I think) with Tony at Tony's request without any protective gear aside from some rope that Tony brings with them. At one point, some stones come loose and hit Clay in the face, hitting both the huge open wound on his head and in the eye, almost causing him to fall from his height. Can this boy just have someone looking after him at all times? I want him to be safe, stop hurting him. For real this is the only character I'm really latching onto so far aside from Hannah's mother (Kate Walsh). Bless him and keep him safe.
Tony: Bless this boy too. He was almost directly linked to Hannah's death in the sense that he didn't have the energy to deal with another human being's problems (which is a very ok thing to do if you've got your own shit to deal with, your own health is more important), the tapes show up at his door and he runs over to Hannah's where she's already dead. This is obviously a heartbreaking thing to see and is something I actually wanted to see from this series. People actually dealing with the suicide of a girl they knew, not the vengeance of the dead girl.
Pre-recorded: How far in advance did Hannah record these tapes? She couldn't have done it within the few hours between Tony saying he can't hear her shit right now and the tapes showing up at his door? I don't think so, especially considering she recorded two sets of them. I mean...I don't know what to even say, this girl clearly planned this out, it wasn't a spur of the moment, this was a very thoroughly thought out plan.
The betrayal: Hannah joins a poetry club and makes friends with Ryan (Tommy Dorfman) who she asks to help her be a better writer. She writes a lovely poem which Ryan asks if he can publish it in the school paper. I think she says no but I'm not sure. Anyway, he publishes it anonymously and the school reads it and a few people make fun of it. Like high schoolers would do. A couple of people work out that she wrote it but they don't call her out on it. They just giggle a tiny bit but they don't really seem to care. This obviously means that Hannah gives up her passion for writing and brings her that little bit closer to suicide.
Gay: Big shock, Tony is gay. I don't necessarily care about that but what I do care about is Tony's attitude. He and Ryan were once a thing apparently, but you see, they weren't friends. Quote: "You think I would be friends with a guy like Ryan?" I feel like you'd have to at least like him a tiny bit if you're gonna put your dick in him. Then again I don't know what the hate fucking community is like with gay guys so I can't really comment on it.
Hannah: Hannah's a dick but she writes beautifully, she should have listened to her teacher when she said it was good, she got the whole school talking about her writing. I understand that she would have been upset over this, she pours her soul out into her writing and people are laughing. If she'd left it a couple months and looked back on it maybe she would have seen the good it did. There was no reason for her to call Ryan self-serving when he published this poem anonymously for her, to get her voice heard. It just sucks that she's so bitter.
Anyway, that's what I thought of that. Peace out guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Wednesday, 24 May 2017
13 Reasons Why - Episode 9
CW: Talk of rape, if you don't like it please don't read this.
Who authorised this to be a tape?
13 Reasons Why
Episode 9: Tape 5, Side A
Christ, where do I even start with this one? How do I write an introductory paragraph to this? Shit, I can't, let's just get on with it.
Plot: Hannah watches as Jessica gets raped.
Rape: Just gonna get this part over and done with. It's Jessica's return to school party and she gets insanely wasted, to the point that she passes out while she and Justin are getting ready for some sexy time. Justin checks if she's awake, kisses her and leaves her on the bed. Good boy right? For now yes. He leaves the room to a drunken Bryce saying Quote: "what's mine is yours right?" (I'll be getting into that later). We then see the rape and Hannah frozen in shock and fear as she wants to do something but...can't. Jessica is in a state of denial of what happened to her after Justin tells her that the two hooked up and went to sleep and that Hannah's lying. Eventually, she remembers and is visibly shaken. Shaken probably isn't the right wording for that...words kind of escape me right now because I know as soon as I put one foot out of line with this, someone is gonna fucking slam me for it.
I do have questions about this though. How did Bryce get into the room if Justin was stood outside? Did Justin wave him in or did he just push past him? If so, why didn't Justin fight him on it? And why didn't he fight harder to keep Bryce off of Jessica? He's proven that he does care about her so...why didn't he fight harder to protect her? He could have caused a scene or gone downstairs and get his friends to fight Bryce, I dunno, just so much could have been done to stop this and nobody did anything to help this poor girl. What's worse is that because it had been so long, there is no way she could get any sort of justice or closure other than what she can find for herself. It would be hard as hell for her to do and maybe she wouldn't get the proper closure she needs and undoubtedly this is the sort of thing that will, at the very least, be in the back of her mind for years or even the rest of her life.
What's mine is yours: This is not the way you should speak, unless you're talking about your boyfriend's hoodies or if you're sharing food. Do not speak this way about each other's girlfriends. It's fucking appalling to hear this sort of language but I understand why it's important to show it so that if young people are watching this show, they can see that within this context this sort of behaviour is horrid and shouldn't be accepted. If you're seeing someone and your friend says "what's mine is yours" referring to sleeping with your partner, drop them as a friend, you do not need that sort of person in your life.
The actual tape: What the fuck does this have to do with Hannah's lead up to suicide? I don't mean to deviate from the issue but isn't that what this series is about? The thing's that lead up to Hannah taking her own life. Is it the guilt she's feeling from not doing anything? If so why didn't they show that? Why didn't they show the struggle she was having with this? Why didn't they show her try to talk to Jessica, to convince her to go to the police? I do understand the need to show this sort of thing but it just felt so out of nowhere considering this is about the events that lead to this girls death.
Also, why was this Justin's second tape? Why the hell wasn't it a Bryce tape? Bryce was the offender, Bryce was the rapist, Bryce deserved this tape. Not Justin.
Hannah: I...understand Hannah in this episode. Let me explain. When you're in a situation like that, where you are paralysed with fear there is nothing you can do to make yourself snap out of it, especially when the person you're supposed to take action against is a huge, athletic, muscular man, and you are a small woman with barely any physical traits that would enable you to come out on top in a fight. There's nothing you can do, adrenaline could probably fuel the fight and you might win if that's the case and at the very least, being at a crowded party you could cause a big enough scene to get whatever is happening stopped. But like I said, when you're paralysed with fear, you can't do shit.
I'm not saying that I agree with her actions, I'm saying I understand why she did what she did here.
Clay: To end on a slightly better note. Clay gets suspended for possession of pot. God, I swear this school is run by some sort of mini mafia it's almost funny. Marcus slips pot into Clay's bag and tells the school counsellor that he's worried about Clay, gets the police in and gets Clay's bag searched and gets him suspended in order to "send him a message". Honestly, if it wasn't so serious it'd be hilarious. I genuinely just can't deal with the kids at the school. What y'all trying to hide? What's the conspiracy?
Also, remember that gash on his head and remember when I said that the boy needs a plaster? Guess what? The boy got a plaster, hallelujah, holy shit. Seriously though, praise every higher being, this boy got a plaster. Words can't express how soothed I am by this, I'm just hoping he keeps his plaster on through the rest of the 4 episodes.
Anyway, that's it for today, I don't know what else to say really because...what else is there to say? I'm out, g'night guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Who authorised this to be a tape?
13 Reasons Why
Episode 9: Tape 5, Side A
Christ, where do I even start with this one? How do I write an introductory paragraph to this? Shit, I can't, let's just get on with it.
Plot: Hannah watches as Jessica gets raped.
Rape: Just gonna get this part over and done with. It's Jessica's return to school party and she gets insanely wasted, to the point that she passes out while she and Justin are getting ready for some sexy time. Justin checks if she's awake, kisses her and leaves her on the bed. Good boy right? For now yes. He leaves the room to a drunken Bryce saying Quote: "what's mine is yours right?" (I'll be getting into that later). We then see the rape and Hannah frozen in shock and fear as she wants to do something but...can't. Jessica is in a state of denial of what happened to her after Justin tells her that the two hooked up and went to sleep and that Hannah's lying. Eventually, she remembers and is visibly shaken. Shaken probably isn't the right wording for that...words kind of escape me right now because I know as soon as I put one foot out of line with this, someone is gonna fucking slam me for it.
I do have questions about this though. How did Bryce get into the room if Justin was stood outside? Did Justin wave him in or did he just push past him? If so, why didn't Justin fight him on it? And why didn't he fight harder to keep Bryce off of Jessica? He's proven that he does care about her so...why didn't he fight harder to protect her? He could have caused a scene or gone downstairs and get his friends to fight Bryce, I dunno, just so much could have been done to stop this and nobody did anything to help this poor girl. What's worse is that because it had been so long, there is no way she could get any sort of justice or closure other than what she can find for herself. It would be hard as hell for her to do and maybe she wouldn't get the proper closure she needs and undoubtedly this is the sort of thing that will, at the very least, be in the back of her mind for years or even the rest of her life.
What's mine is yours: This is not the way you should speak, unless you're talking about your boyfriend's hoodies or if you're sharing food. Do not speak this way about each other's girlfriends. It's fucking appalling to hear this sort of language but I understand why it's important to show it so that if young people are watching this show, they can see that within this context this sort of behaviour is horrid and shouldn't be accepted. If you're seeing someone and your friend says "what's mine is yours" referring to sleeping with your partner, drop them as a friend, you do not need that sort of person in your life.
The actual tape: What the fuck does this have to do with Hannah's lead up to suicide? I don't mean to deviate from the issue but isn't that what this series is about? The thing's that lead up to Hannah taking her own life. Is it the guilt she's feeling from not doing anything? If so why didn't they show that? Why didn't they show the struggle she was having with this? Why didn't they show her try to talk to Jessica, to convince her to go to the police? I do understand the need to show this sort of thing but it just felt so out of nowhere considering this is about the events that lead to this girls death.
Also, why was this Justin's second tape? Why the hell wasn't it a Bryce tape? Bryce was the offender, Bryce was the rapist, Bryce deserved this tape. Not Justin.
Hannah: I...understand Hannah in this episode. Let me explain. When you're in a situation like that, where you are paralysed with fear there is nothing you can do to make yourself snap out of it, especially when the person you're supposed to take action against is a huge, athletic, muscular man, and you are a small woman with barely any physical traits that would enable you to come out on top in a fight. There's nothing you can do, adrenaline could probably fuel the fight and you might win if that's the case and at the very least, being at a crowded party you could cause a big enough scene to get whatever is happening stopped. But like I said, when you're paralysed with fear, you can't do shit.
I'm not saying that I agree with her actions, I'm saying I understand why she did what she did here.
Clay: To end on a slightly better note. Clay gets suspended for possession of pot. God, I swear this school is run by some sort of mini mafia it's almost funny. Marcus slips pot into Clay's bag and tells the school counsellor that he's worried about Clay, gets the police in and gets Clay's bag searched and gets him suspended in order to "send him a message". Honestly, if it wasn't so serious it'd be hilarious. I genuinely just can't deal with the kids at the school. What y'all trying to hide? What's the conspiracy?
Also, remember that gash on his head and remember when I said that the boy needs a plaster? Guess what? The boy got a plaster, hallelujah, holy shit. Seriously though, praise every higher being, this boy got a plaster. Words can't express how soothed I am by this, I'm just hoping he keeps his plaster on through the rest of the 4 episodes.
Anyway, that's it for today, I don't know what else to say really because...what else is there to say? I'm out, g'night guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Wednesday, 17 May 2017
13 Reasons Why - Episode 7
I'm over halfway through and I'm very proud of myself that I'm managing it.
13 Reasons Why
Episode 7: Tape 4, Side A
What the fuck kind of episode did I just watch? I'll tell you what I just watched, I watched Hannah be petty and nasty, I watched Zach try to be nice and then dish out some truth, I watched Clay just kind of fucking give up on everything because he doesn't know what the hell to think anymore. He knows he can't trust Hannah's words, and he's just so insanely pissed at everything. Fuck. I'm so mad at this episode.
Plot: For this one, I'm just gonna quote the Netflix summary
"Another student sabotages Hannah during a class project. Clay's nightmares about Hannah spill over into the daytime."
Why is the plot bullshit? I'll tell you why. Because nobody sabotaged Hannah. Zach sat with her and tried to cheer her up after what happened with Marcus. He didn't have to, he could have just left and bitched about her but he didn't, he was nice enough to sit with her and try to stick a damn spoon to his nose. He then sits with her at lunch the next day and tells her he likes her. He leaves cute little bunnies in her compliment bag in class. He drew hella cute bunnies for this girl, that's cute as fuck and why would anyone do that just to get some ass?! He keeps the letter she writes him. How the heck is ANY of this "sabotage"???? Fuck off Hannah Baker, there was no need to be so damn rude about this.
The conversation: Here, I'm gonna give you a rundown of the conversation in which Zach tells Hannah he likes her. Word for word how it's said in the episode.
Zach: This isn't about Marcus, I never got the chance to say something. The thing is, you were the valentine I was hoping for.
Hannah: What?
Zach: I was hoping that I got your name on my y'know, valentine list thing.
Hannah: Because I'm easy?
Zach: No, seriously no, look the whole night with Marcus and everything, I couldn't believe you were on his list and not mine.
Hannah: Zach, I don't know if you're doing this on a dare or whatever -
Zach: It's not a dare, it's not, I just...I know you think every guy likes you 'cause you've got this great ass, but I like you for so much more than that
Hannah: Oh my God you're such an idiot
Zach: What? What'd I say?
Hannah: The fact that you don't even know...
Zach: I meant it as a compliment
Hannah: Zach, walk away.
What exactly did he say? He said he thinks she's more than a great ass clearly insinuating that he thinks she's funny or smart or lovely or all of the above or more. How the hell is that misconstrued as an insult? I mean I see where her distrust comes from but fuck sake Hannah, the guy even apologised and you couldn't care less, he then spits truth at you that you bring some of your shit onto yourself and you give him a fucking tape?! God sake.
Popularity = not lonely: You said it yourself, Hannah, you don't know what somebody else's life is like so why the hell do you think that Zach doesn't know what it's like to be lonely? Who the hell are you to even be making assumptions on someone else's life and whether they're lonely or not? Maybe, just maybe, you should have talked to him about this sort of thing so that maybe you could have been friends and maybe, even more when you see that he isn't a piece of shit like the guys you seem to go for in this school.
Popular people don't always have the best life. Popular people can be depressed, they can be lonely, they can be sad, stressed, anxious etc. Just because they are popular does not mean they aren't human and immune to human emotion. It may seem as though they have their life put together but people with these issues are amazing at hiding them in order to fit in.
The lies: Hannah Baker is a liar, confirmed. She says on the tape that she wrote Zach a letter, pouring her heart out and telling him things that she never told anyone before. She goes on to say that Zach balled the letter up and dumped it on the school floor to which she then balls him out in the corridor in front of everyone. Turns out, she's a liar. Because Zach didn't ball the letter up and throw it to the ground, he kept it. He shows Clay the letter and asks him if he wants to read it. Clay declines the offer but he now knows that he can't trust everything Hannah says.
Clay: Bless this boy. Bless him. He is going through so damn much with these tapes that's he's getting hallucinations of Hannah bleeding out on the basketball court, he constantly mishears what people around him are saying, thinking they're blaming him for Hannah's death. This poor boy is losing his grip on reality. I'm glad he gives the tapes back to Tony but he still kinda just loses his shit when he kicks off about the school to the new foreign exchange students. Can this guy please get some sort of therapy? He needs it, I need it for him, we all need him to get the help he needs. To deal with Hannah's death and to come to terms with whatever feelings of guilt he has over her death and get on with his life. After watching this episode I'm so worried about the state of this boy's mental health and I can see him in a spot next to Hannah by the end of the series.
Hannah: Fuck her. I don't know why she made this tape. She's genuinely just playing the victim. At least here she is trying to seek out help by putting an anonymous note in the class discussion bag which I can support her doing. Asking for help is a scary thing, especially when it comes to your own mental health. You think that you're bothering people and that you can handle it, reaching out is the hardest thing and I'm glad she did it. Good on her. Shame she was a dickhead the rest of the episode. She thinks she doesn't have friends anymore and I swear she must have forgotten that Clay was in her life and that so far he hasn't done anything to her so far. No friends my butthole.
Failure: Like I said, Hannah reached out and asked for help, fair enough. Obviously, she didn't get any help because...she's dead. The thing is, Clay asks Mrs Bradley (Keiko Agena) whether she thought it was important to help Hannah Baker she says of course it was. Thing is, she could have helped her. She could have looked at the note and compared the handwriting, found the people with similar handwriting and called them to see her separately so it would be just the two of them and then maybe Hannah would admit it was her and that she needs help and maybe she'd still be about and we wouldn't have to suffer through this bullshit episode.
Special death: There is a scene towards the beginning where Clay's parents are talking about him dealing with Hannah's death. His father says something along the lines of "a girl died and he didn't know her" I don't know I didn't write it down. His mother then says Quote: "Hannah Baker didn't just die she slit her wrists and bled out in a bathtub"
Does that mean her death was special because she brought it on herself? Death is death regardless of how it comes to a person. It's a heartbreaking thing, especially when it comes too soon and definitely as a result of suicide. The fact that Hannah slit her wrists and bled out doesn't mean she didn't die, it doesn't mean her death was special. They're acting like it's an M&S food porn ad. It's not just a death, it's a Hannah Baker death. What the fuck?
This episode just touched all the wrong nerves and I feel like it's highlighted the worst of the series so far. It's made Hannah out to be a victim when people are being nice to her, it treats her as some sort of tragic figure with the way people talk about her death. It's putting Clay through some severe emotional pain that's affecting his daily life in the worst way. I'm vexed and I'm out to make another brew and put myself through more pain. Peace guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
13 Reasons Why
Episode 7: Tape 4, Side A
What the fuck kind of episode did I just watch? I'll tell you what I just watched, I watched Hannah be petty and nasty, I watched Zach try to be nice and then dish out some truth, I watched Clay just kind of fucking give up on everything because he doesn't know what the hell to think anymore. He knows he can't trust Hannah's words, and he's just so insanely pissed at everything. Fuck. I'm so mad at this episode.
Plot: For this one, I'm just gonna quote the Netflix summary
"Another student sabotages Hannah during a class project. Clay's nightmares about Hannah spill over into the daytime."
Why is the plot bullshit? I'll tell you why. Because nobody sabotaged Hannah. Zach sat with her and tried to cheer her up after what happened with Marcus. He didn't have to, he could have just left and bitched about her but he didn't, he was nice enough to sit with her and try to stick a damn spoon to his nose. He then sits with her at lunch the next day and tells her he likes her. He leaves cute little bunnies in her compliment bag in class. He drew hella cute bunnies for this girl, that's cute as fuck and why would anyone do that just to get some ass?! He keeps the letter she writes him. How the heck is ANY of this "sabotage"???? Fuck off Hannah Baker, there was no need to be so damn rude about this.
The conversation: Here, I'm gonna give you a rundown of the conversation in which Zach tells Hannah he likes her. Word for word how it's said in the episode.
Zach: This isn't about Marcus, I never got the chance to say something. The thing is, you were the valentine I was hoping for.
Hannah: What?
Zach: I was hoping that I got your name on my y'know, valentine list thing.
Hannah: Because I'm easy?
Zach: No, seriously no, look the whole night with Marcus and everything, I couldn't believe you were on his list and not mine.
Hannah: Zach, I don't know if you're doing this on a dare or whatever -
Zach: It's not a dare, it's not, I just...I know you think every guy likes you 'cause you've got this great ass, but I like you for so much more than that
Hannah: Oh my God you're such an idiot
Zach: What? What'd I say?
Hannah: The fact that you don't even know...
Zach: I meant it as a compliment
Hannah: Zach, walk away.
What exactly did he say? He said he thinks she's more than a great ass clearly insinuating that he thinks she's funny or smart or lovely or all of the above or more. How the hell is that misconstrued as an insult? I mean I see where her distrust comes from but fuck sake Hannah, the guy even apologised and you couldn't care less, he then spits truth at you that you bring some of your shit onto yourself and you give him a fucking tape?! God sake.
Popularity = not lonely: You said it yourself, Hannah, you don't know what somebody else's life is like so why the hell do you think that Zach doesn't know what it's like to be lonely? Who the hell are you to even be making assumptions on someone else's life and whether they're lonely or not? Maybe, just maybe, you should have talked to him about this sort of thing so that maybe you could have been friends and maybe, even more when you see that he isn't a piece of shit like the guys you seem to go for in this school.
Popular people don't always have the best life. Popular people can be depressed, they can be lonely, they can be sad, stressed, anxious etc. Just because they are popular does not mean they aren't human and immune to human emotion. It may seem as though they have their life put together but people with these issues are amazing at hiding them in order to fit in.
The lies: Hannah Baker is a liar, confirmed. She says on the tape that she wrote Zach a letter, pouring her heart out and telling him things that she never told anyone before. She goes on to say that Zach balled the letter up and dumped it on the school floor to which she then balls him out in the corridor in front of everyone. Turns out, she's a liar. Because Zach didn't ball the letter up and throw it to the ground, he kept it. He shows Clay the letter and asks him if he wants to read it. Clay declines the offer but he now knows that he can't trust everything Hannah says.
Clay: Bless this boy. Bless him. He is going through so damn much with these tapes that's he's getting hallucinations of Hannah bleeding out on the basketball court, he constantly mishears what people around him are saying, thinking they're blaming him for Hannah's death. This poor boy is losing his grip on reality. I'm glad he gives the tapes back to Tony but he still kinda just loses his shit when he kicks off about the school to the new foreign exchange students. Can this guy please get some sort of therapy? He needs it, I need it for him, we all need him to get the help he needs. To deal with Hannah's death and to come to terms with whatever feelings of guilt he has over her death and get on with his life. After watching this episode I'm so worried about the state of this boy's mental health and I can see him in a spot next to Hannah by the end of the series.
Hannah: Fuck her. I don't know why she made this tape. She's genuinely just playing the victim. At least here she is trying to seek out help by putting an anonymous note in the class discussion bag which I can support her doing. Asking for help is a scary thing, especially when it comes to your own mental health. You think that you're bothering people and that you can handle it, reaching out is the hardest thing and I'm glad she did it. Good on her. Shame she was a dickhead the rest of the episode. She thinks she doesn't have friends anymore and I swear she must have forgotten that Clay was in her life and that so far he hasn't done anything to her so far. No friends my butthole.
Failure: Like I said, Hannah reached out and asked for help, fair enough. Obviously, she didn't get any help because...she's dead. The thing is, Clay asks Mrs Bradley (Keiko Agena) whether she thought it was important to help Hannah Baker she says of course it was. Thing is, she could have helped her. She could have looked at the note and compared the handwriting, found the people with similar handwriting and called them to see her separately so it would be just the two of them and then maybe Hannah would admit it was her and that she needs help and maybe she'd still be about and we wouldn't have to suffer through this bullshit episode.
Special death: There is a scene towards the beginning where Clay's parents are talking about him dealing with Hannah's death. His father says something along the lines of "a girl died and he didn't know her" I don't know I didn't write it down. His mother then says Quote: "Hannah Baker didn't just die she slit her wrists and bled out in a bathtub"
Does that mean her death was special because she brought it on herself? Death is death regardless of how it comes to a person. It's a heartbreaking thing, especially when it comes too soon and definitely as a result of suicide. The fact that Hannah slit her wrists and bled out doesn't mean she didn't die, it doesn't mean her death was special. They're acting like it's an M&S food porn ad. It's not just a death, it's a Hannah Baker death. What the fuck?
This episode just touched all the wrong nerves and I feel like it's highlighted the worst of the series so far. It's made Hannah out to be a victim when people are being nice to her, it treats her as some sort of tragic figure with the way people talk about her death. It's putting Clay through some severe emotional pain that's affecting his daily life in the worst way. I'm vexed and I'm out to make another brew and put myself through more pain. Peace guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Monday, 15 May 2017
The Love Guru
I just witnessed the death of a career.
Director: Marco Schnabel
Writers: Mike Myers
Graham Gordy
Runtime: 1hr 27 minutes.
Plot: Mike Myers plays a self-help guru who is asked to fix the relationship between a hockey player and his wife to get the team, the Toronto Maple Leafs, back on track to winning the Stanley Cup. Justin Timberlake, Jessica Alba, John Oliver, Verne Troyer, Ben Kingsley and more, aid Myers in his career suicide.
This is a bad film. It has its good moments, but it's still a terrible film. I'm not entirely sure if this was deliberate choice to end Myers career on the big screen, or if it was just bad choice after bad choice leading to this but this did effectively kill his hot streak but aside from roles in Shrek and his cameo in Inglourious, this is why you don't see him much. It's good that he was such a hit on SNL and shot to stardom through various other projects or else he wouldn't have the financial capability to live his life how he likes. I'll say this now though, I'm personally not a big fan of Myers comedy, acknowledging that what you're saying isn't funny, is not funny, to me at least. I'm sure he's a nice guy I mean, he's from Canada, the birthplace of niceness, I just don't find him all that funny.
I've seen this film twice now, once when my friend made me watch it, and again the other day to write notes on it, knowing that it's a bad comedy does not make you look for the good in it, it almost emphasises the worse elements in the film. Such as the CGI, there's a short flashback scene where Guru Pitka (Mike Myers) thinks back on his first encounters with Guru Tugginmypudha (Ben Kingsley. Guru Tugginmypduha is a severely cross-eyed man who makes painfully inappropriate sexual jokes about Pitka's now dead parents, thought I'd get that out of the way. Mike Myers plays his child self which you would think...could work, maybe he dubs over the boy's words with his own voice or maybe he could use an over the top voice for the kid or something but no, what we're treated to is horrific. What we're lucky enough to witness is Mike Myers head, horribly CG'd onto this poor child's body and...it's almost like Myers did this boy's head movements and such on a green screen which was the cut and pasted onto this kids body when editing. The head is out of proportion and Myers tries to do a kids voice but you don't really pay attention to that, you pay attention to this scary thing that's been presented to you and you almost start to wonder what something this freaky is doing in a Mike Myers comedy. We can accept the inappropriate sexual jokes but can we accept this? Maybe Cat In The Hat fans but not most people.
The film also seems to mock self-help "gurus" by having Pitka do a seminar where he is just spouting basic "helpful" philosophy and saying words and turning them into abbreviations(ish) and that's all the seminar is. And that's all it is, just a short 5 minutes which is about 30-45 minutes in their time, Pitka even has time to plug his t-shirts too, very reminiscent of those self-help gurus who seem to focus more on spouting basic, apparently helpful philosophy in a manipulative tactic to get paid and maybe famous quite quickly. However it doesn't seem as though this aspect is being done to highlight any issue, it's just sort of stating the issue that it's used as a money making scheme for fame and fortune and just shoves a couple jokes in saying "there's the issue now laugh at it." I'm not going to say that this should have given any answers as to how it can be used to benefit people in their lives. Honestly, I think Family Guy dealt with this a lot better. In the episode, Brian writes a best seller Brain's book Faster Than The Speed Of Love's unsold copies are returned to the Griffin's household and there's a lot of them, Brian sees that the books that are hitting the bestseller list are biographies of Michael Jackson and self-help books and so decides to write one to get to the top of the bestseller list. Once he's there he becomes a total dick and eventually confesses that he isn't proud of what he wrote and that he wrote it in a day. This is a mocking of something but also shows the reality behind the fame smokescreen. When a 20 minute Family Guy episode gets a message across better than your hour and a half film then you've got something to worry about.
One of the best things in this film in this little remote control cushion that Pitka uses to make a grand entrance and I swear if I can find one of those things I'll get myself one. It's great, it just looks so weird to see a guy on an actual moving cushion and nobody question it. I don't even know if it's some sort of stereotype or not but I kind of don't care because I want that cushion.
To close on, I'll leave you with this scene, Mike Myers sat atop an elephant in his Guru Pitka costume, wearing crocs, making jokes about whether you would help your uncle, Jack, off of an elephant or help your uncle jack off an elephant. Scene is followed by dead air.
G'day kid's, peace out.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
Director: Marco Schnabel
Writers: Mike Myers
Graham Gordy
Runtime: 1hr 27 minutes.
Plot: Mike Myers plays a self-help guru who is asked to fix the relationship between a hockey player and his wife to get the team, the Toronto Maple Leafs, back on track to winning the Stanley Cup. Justin Timberlake, Jessica Alba, John Oliver, Verne Troyer, Ben Kingsley and more, aid Myers in his career suicide.
This is a bad film. It has its good moments, but it's still a terrible film. I'm not entirely sure if this was deliberate choice to end Myers career on the big screen, or if it was just bad choice after bad choice leading to this but this did effectively kill his hot streak but aside from roles in Shrek and his cameo in Inglourious, this is why you don't see him much. It's good that he was such a hit on SNL and shot to stardom through various other projects or else he wouldn't have the financial capability to live his life how he likes. I'll say this now though, I'm personally not a big fan of Myers comedy, acknowledging that what you're saying isn't funny, is not funny, to me at least. I'm sure he's a nice guy I mean, he's from Canada, the birthplace of niceness, I just don't find him all that funny.
I've seen this film twice now, once when my friend made me watch it, and again the other day to write notes on it, knowing that it's a bad comedy does not make you look for the good in it, it almost emphasises the worse elements in the film. Such as the CGI, there's a short flashback scene where Guru Pitka (Mike Myers) thinks back on his first encounters with Guru Tugginmypudha (Ben Kingsley. Guru Tugginmypduha is a severely cross-eyed man who makes painfully inappropriate sexual jokes about Pitka's now dead parents, thought I'd get that out of the way. Mike Myers plays his child self which you would think...could work, maybe he dubs over the boy's words with his own voice or maybe he could use an over the top voice for the kid or something but no, what we're treated to is horrific. What we're lucky enough to witness is Mike Myers head, horribly CG'd onto this poor child's body and...it's almost like Myers did this boy's head movements and such on a green screen which was the cut and pasted onto this kids body when editing. The head is out of proportion and Myers tries to do a kids voice but you don't really pay attention to that, you pay attention to this scary thing that's been presented to you and you almost start to wonder what something this freaky is doing in a Mike Myers comedy. We can accept the inappropriate sexual jokes but can we accept this? Maybe Cat In The Hat fans but not most people.
The film also seems to mock self-help "gurus" by having Pitka do a seminar where he is just spouting basic "helpful" philosophy and saying words and turning them into abbreviations(ish) and that's all the seminar is. And that's all it is, just a short 5 minutes which is about 30-45 minutes in their time, Pitka even has time to plug his t-shirts too, very reminiscent of those self-help gurus who seem to focus more on spouting basic, apparently helpful philosophy in a manipulative tactic to get paid and maybe famous quite quickly. However it doesn't seem as though this aspect is being done to highlight any issue, it's just sort of stating the issue that it's used as a money making scheme for fame and fortune and just shoves a couple jokes in saying "there's the issue now laugh at it." I'm not going to say that this should have given any answers as to how it can be used to benefit people in their lives. Honestly, I think Family Guy dealt with this a lot better. In the episode, Brian writes a best seller Brain's book Faster Than The Speed Of Love's unsold copies are returned to the Griffin's household and there's a lot of them, Brian sees that the books that are hitting the bestseller list are biographies of Michael Jackson and self-help books and so decides to write one to get to the top of the bestseller list. Once he's there he becomes a total dick and eventually confesses that he isn't proud of what he wrote and that he wrote it in a day. This is a mocking of something but also shows the reality behind the fame smokescreen. When a 20 minute Family Guy episode gets a message across better than your hour and a half film then you've got something to worry about.
One of the best things in this film in this little remote control cushion that Pitka uses to make a grand entrance and I swear if I can find one of those things I'll get myself one. It's great, it just looks so weird to see a guy on an actual moving cushion and nobody question it. I don't even know if it's some sort of stereotype or not but I kind of don't care because I want that cushion.
To close on, I'll leave you with this scene, Mike Myers sat atop an elephant in his Guru Pitka costume, wearing crocs, making jokes about whether you would help your uncle, Jack, off of an elephant or help your uncle jack off an elephant. Scene is followed by dead air.
G'day kid's, peace out.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
Thursday, 11 May 2017
13 Reasons Why - Episode 5
I wrote the notes for this a week ago and fully forgot to write about it then.
13 Reasons Why
Episode 5: Tape 3, side A.
I'm getting so sick of Hannah, I really am. I get that teenagers make small things extra dramatic and exaggerated but I feel like this episode is just stating the obvious. Girls are evil. Yes, we are, we're manipulative, nasty and fake as fuck, especially in school. Girls are fucking horrible, we will pick apart anything we find fault in, we grow out of it enough to be tolerable in society but there is always that underlying thing of us being nasty and most of the time, it'll take something big to unleash that beast. This episode seems to think that nobody knows how nasty girls are and seems to want to hammer home that girls are evil and that this is important to know.
Episode plot: Courtney Crimson is a backstabber and a liar, this is her tape for being a scared girl who is also a bit of a bitch.
Courtney: First of all, what sort of fucking name is Courtney Crimson? It's like Jupiter Jones or Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey or some other stupid shit like that. It's a really painfully unimaginative and I feel like this name would be way more at home in a DC movie. The shitty thing that Courtney does here is telling a guy (I don't remember which one and I'm not watching the whole episode again just for a name) that Hannah get fingered and sucked dick on a park. Very typical weekend behaviour among teenagers in England but apparently not so much in America so of course this upset's Hannah. In Courtney's defence, if the positions were reversed, Hannah would probably do the exact same thing or worse.
Clay: Clay seems to be falling down the rabbit hole of depression and that's worrying me. If this series ends with him in a grave next to Hannah's I'm gonna be so pissed off, it's going to be because of these tapes that he did that and that's not going to be very productive to this narrative the show is trying to push. Actually, I don't know what narrative this show is trying to push...
Clay also has a bit of a dick moment, taking Courtney to Hannah's grave. Courtney is very clearly distressed by this which...who wouldn't be? Things like this have to be done in a person's own time and you shouldn't force them to confront this sort of thing until they're ready to do it themselves. This could have some sort of traumatic effect on Courtney, I mean, she's listened to her tape and knows what she did and now she's having to look at the consequence of her actions? She may not have dealt with what she's done yet and like I said, this could have really screwed her up emotionally.
I'm kind of not loving Clay so much but I can sort of see where he's coming with this shit. He can't stand what these people have done to Hannah because obviously he really liked her and because he's not gotten to his tape yet, he doesn't want to deal with his own consequence yet and therefore is going overboard on punishing others.
The Crimson men: These guys are hilarious, I can't deal with it. They are the gay couple who are parents to Courtney, again I don't remember names but if they come up in future episodes I'll credit them. In this episode, they only have one scene in the coffee shop with Courtney and they're discussing having a dinner with another family. One of them suggests she brings Zach (Ross Butler), the other agrees and adds that they would have beautiful babies, to which his husband tells him that he can't say that because Quote: "it's racist and sexist."
How is saying a couple would have beautiful babies be interpreted as racist and sexist? Is it because both of them are Asian and the two of them would have beautiful babies because of that? Is it sexist because he's saying she'd have a baby? Fuck, I don't get it at all but it's hilarious nonetheless.
The tapes: It seems that Tony is responsible for this method of torture. After he fixes Hannah's car at the Winter Formal, Hannah tells him that she thinks it's cool that he still listens to tapes. At the very least we know that her parents sell blank cassette tapes and that's where she got them from to be able to record them. One mystery down I guess.
The dream: There's a really well-done dream sequence to open up the episode, that's not even a spoiler, you can tell by the way Clay is behaving around Hannah. It's really nice and shows more or less what Clay is going through in his subconscious and the way that Hannah yells at him to do something could be showing that he feels some sort of guilt for not doing anything when he didn't know anything was wrong. I don't know but it's good to be able to use what I learned about semiotics in first year. Always good to use your education.
Hannah: Hannah, once again, barely does anything in this episode besides kick off with her friend for stabbing her in the back which is understandable but at the same time, I still don't like her because her attitude still fucking stinks.
That's it for this one, I really don't know how I can even carry on watching this series because it's just boring and repetitive and I almost don't really want to watch the emotional downfall of a generally sweet character that has, so far, done nothing wrong to this girl other than be a bit of an idiot. Thing is, I'm 5 episodes in, I'm committed to this, I'm not giving up I might take a break because I don't have the energy but I'm gonna get through it. Fucking watch me. That's it for today though, I'm out.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
13 Reasons Why
Episode 5: Tape 3, side A.
I'm getting so sick of Hannah, I really am. I get that teenagers make small things extra dramatic and exaggerated but I feel like this episode is just stating the obvious. Girls are evil. Yes, we are, we're manipulative, nasty and fake as fuck, especially in school. Girls are fucking horrible, we will pick apart anything we find fault in, we grow out of it enough to be tolerable in society but there is always that underlying thing of us being nasty and most of the time, it'll take something big to unleash that beast. This episode seems to think that nobody knows how nasty girls are and seems to want to hammer home that girls are evil and that this is important to know.
Episode plot: Courtney Crimson is a backstabber and a liar, this is her tape for being a scared girl who is also a bit of a bitch.
Courtney: First of all, what sort of fucking name is Courtney Crimson? It's like Jupiter Jones or Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey or some other stupid shit like that. It's a really painfully unimaginative and I feel like this name would be way more at home in a DC movie. The shitty thing that Courtney does here is telling a guy (I don't remember which one and I'm not watching the whole episode again just for a name) that Hannah get fingered and sucked dick on a park. Very typical weekend behaviour among teenagers in England but apparently not so much in America so of course this upset's Hannah. In Courtney's defence, if the positions were reversed, Hannah would probably do the exact same thing or worse.
Clay: Clay seems to be falling down the rabbit hole of depression and that's worrying me. If this series ends with him in a grave next to Hannah's I'm gonna be so pissed off, it's going to be because of these tapes that he did that and that's not going to be very productive to this narrative the show is trying to push. Actually, I don't know what narrative this show is trying to push...
Clay also has a bit of a dick moment, taking Courtney to Hannah's grave. Courtney is very clearly distressed by this which...who wouldn't be? Things like this have to be done in a person's own time and you shouldn't force them to confront this sort of thing until they're ready to do it themselves. This could have some sort of traumatic effect on Courtney, I mean, she's listened to her tape and knows what she did and now she's having to look at the consequence of her actions? She may not have dealt with what she's done yet and like I said, this could have really screwed her up emotionally.
I'm kind of not loving Clay so much but I can sort of see where he's coming with this shit. He can't stand what these people have done to Hannah because obviously he really liked her and because he's not gotten to his tape yet, he doesn't want to deal with his own consequence yet and therefore is going overboard on punishing others.
The Crimson men: These guys are hilarious, I can't deal with it. They are the gay couple who are parents to Courtney, again I don't remember names but if they come up in future episodes I'll credit them. In this episode, they only have one scene in the coffee shop with Courtney and they're discussing having a dinner with another family. One of them suggests she brings Zach (Ross Butler), the other agrees and adds that they would have beautiful babies, to which his husband tells him that he can't say that because Quote: "it's racist and sexist."
How is saying a couple would have beautiful babies be interpreted as racist and sexist? Is it because both of them are Asian and the two of them would have beautiful babies because of that? Is it sexist because he's saying she'd have a baby? Fuck, I don't get it at all but it's hilarious nonetheless.
The tapes: It seems that Tony is responsible for this method of torture. After he fixes Hannah's car at the Winter Formal, Hannah tells him that she thinks it's cool that he still listens to tapes. At the very least we know that her parents sell blank cassette tapes and that's where she got them from to be able to record them. One mystery down I guess.
The dream: There's a really well-done dream sequence to open up the episode, that's not even a spoiler, you can tell by the way Clay is behaving around Hannah. It's really nice and shows more or less what Clay is going through in his subconscious and the way that Hannah yells at him to do something could be showing that he feels some sort of guilt for not doing anything when he didn't know anything was wrong. I don't know but it's good to be able to use what I learned about semiotics in first year. Always good to use your education.
Hannah: Hannah, once again, barely does anything in this episode besides kick off with her friend for stabbing her in the back which is understandable but at the same time, I still don't like her because her attitude still fucking stinks.
That's it for this one, I really don't know how I can even carry on watching this series because it's just boring and repetitive and I almost don't really want to watch the emotional downfall of a generally sweet character that has, so far, done nothing wrong to this girl other than be a bit of an idiot. Thing is, I'm 5 episodes in, I'm committed to this, I'm not giving up I might take a break because I don't have the energy but I'm gonna get through it. Fucking watch me. That's it for today though, I'm out.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Tuesday, 9 May 2017
Hotel Transylvania
Why does everybody hate Adam Sandler?
Director: Genndy Tartakovsky
Writers: Peter Baynham (Screenplay)
Robert Smigel (Screenplay)
Todd Durham (Story)
Dan Hageman (Story)
Kevin Hageman (Story)
Runtime: 92 minutes
Plot: Due to the persecution of the classic horror icons (and other monsters) Count Dracula (Adam Sandler) builds a hotel as a safe space for the monsters and his daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez). On his daughters 118th birthday, a human Johnny (Andy Samberg) shows up and threatens his view of the humans altogether.
I love this film but it's not always been that way. I remember a few years ago I was at the cinema and saw posters for this and thought it looked a bit shit. In all honesty, I wasn't even into films at that point in my life and only ever went to see things my friends asked me to go and see or if it was something that really grabbed my attention. Crazy times considering now all I do is sit around watching stuff to bitch about on the internet. Anyway, cut to a few years later and my friend's parents were away so I was staying with her because she had a crippling fear of being alone in the house. We had fun, we made food and baked cookies and had a brew and couldn't find a tv show to watch but this was on ITV2 so we thought fuck it, see what it's about. We thought it was just so funny, we loved it. A couple hours later we saw the trailer for the second one on Facebook and we thought damn, we seeing that when it's out if it's half as good as this one was. It was ok, not as good as this but was ok.
When I first saw this, I wasn't aware of any chronic Sandler bashing. I knew he'd made crap but I never thought that people would hate him regardless of whether he put out any good content. Looking at the 45% critics rating on Rotten Tomatoes and the reviews it got, I'm amazed. Like I understand that comedy is subjective and all but...this is a good film. It's not groundbreaking or anything but it's fun, energetic, entertaining, the animation is pretty good, it's very fast but knows when to take a breath and be calm for its emotional moments. I really don't see how critics thought this was just trite to entertain a 5-year-old. But this is all just opinion based and everybody has a different opinion which is fine, I'm not going to slate people for not finding it funny, I'm just saying I don't find it fair that this film got bashed because Sandler was in it. I mean...it could have been worse. It could have had Rob Schnieder in it.
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about my history with the film or the critic's feelings when it came out. I'm here to tell you what I thought about it when I watched it. So what did I think re-watching it? It was still funny, yes it has problems but what film doesn't? What are the problems? Let's get into it.
My first issue with this is how dead mothers in films, who die suddenly, seem to know they're going to die and create a heartfelt gift for their child's 18th birthday. It's kind of amazing to me, I get it when the mother is ill and dying and have time but it just seems a little coincidental that the mother's last words would be "I made this for our child, don't let them near it until their 18th and it has to be at a critical point in their development as a person and will change your relationship with our child forever." I don't know, this is just confusing to me.
Looking back on my notes and thinking back to it, that's the only issue I can think of, I'm sure I'll probably find more when I watch this again, I always do. So let's get into the positives.
I love the thing with Quasimodo and his rat, Esmeralda. Did he name the rat after his lost love? Is the rat an example of the woman in the book rather than the Disney adaptation? I don't know but it's a cool thing to put in there for those who love the book or the Disney film or both really. To be honest, I never even picked up on it until maybe the fourth or fifth time I watched this and I was kind of blown away by how I didn't notice it.
Steve Buschemi as the wolf-man is probably my favourite character in this, I mean, how can you not feel bad for this guy? He's got around 20-30 pups who don't respect him bar one, his wife is heavily pregnant with another litter of pups, he can't sleep because these pups are apparently overly energised insomniacs and as soon as he gets a second of sleep the alarm goes off. This poor guy just can't catch a break and even gets judged by his friends for eating a herd of sheep blocking the road because...that's what wolves do. I just love Buschemi anyway but I love him in this role too.
This film also raises important questions, such as where exactly did this thing with Dracula saying "bleh bleh bleh" come from? I've not read the book in a while or watched the Hammer classics but I don't think it started there. Maybe it was in a comedy skit? SNL maybe? It probably started before SNL though...shit I don't know but this is important and I would like an answer to that.
Overall, I do love this film, the heartfelt moments are well done, the connections between the characters are believable, the humour is good, there are fart jokes for kids, there's character based humour for adults which is especially funny with the invisible man and wolf-man. It's kind of educational in the sense that it brings to light different monsters to kids attention, like some kids will know of Frankenstein but not a lot will know of the bride of Frankenstein. It's great, and something fun to show kids, especially around Halloween, y'know, with all those monsters. This is a pretty good project from Sandler and if you wanna hate on something of his, go hate Pixels, that's terrible and judging by the promotional shots of Sandler's face, even he wasn't all that happy with that one. Anyway, that's it for today, peace guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
Director: Genndy Tartakovsky
Writers: Peter Baynham (Screenplay)
Robert Smigel (Screenplay)
Todd Durham (Story)
Dan Hageman (Story)
Kevin Hageman (Story)
Runtime: 92 minutes
Plot: Due to the persecution of the classic horror icons (and other monsters) Count Dracula (Adam Sandler) builds a hotel as a safe space for the monsters and his daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez). On his daughters 118th birthday, a human Johnny (Andy Samberg) shows up and threatens his view of the humans altogether.
I love this film but it's not always been that way. I remember a few years ago I was at the cinema and saw posters for this and thought it looked a bit shit. In all honesty, I wasn't even into films at that point in my life and only ever went to see things my friends asked me to go and see or if it was something that really grabbed my attention. Crazy times considering now all I do is sit around watching stuff to bitch about on the internet. Anyway, cut to a few years later and my friend's parents were away so I was staying with her because she had a crippling fear of being alone in the house. We had fun, we made food and baked cookies and had a brew and couldn't find a tv show to watch but this was on ITV2 so we thought fuck it, see what it's about. We thought it was just so funny, we loved it. A couple hours later we saw the trailer for the second one on Facebook and we thought damn, we seeing that when it's out if it's half as good as this one was. It was ok, not as good as this but was ok.
When I first saw this, I wasn't aware of any chronic Sandler bashing. I knew he'd made crap but I never thought that people would hate him regardless of whether he put out any good content. Looking at the 45% critics rating on Rotten Tomatoes and the reviews it got, I'm amazed. Like I understand that comedy is subjective and all but...this is a good film. It's not groundbreaking or anything but it's fun, energetic, entertaining, the animation is pretty good, it's very fast but knows when to take a breath and be calm for its emotional moments. I really don't see how critics thought this was just trite to entertain a 5-year-old. But this is all just opinion based and everybody has a different opinion which is fine, I'm not going to slate people for not finding it funny, I'm just saying I don't find it fair that this film got bashed because Sandler was in it. I mean...it could have been worse. It could have had Rob Schnieder in it.
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about my history with the film or the critic's feelings when it came out. I'm here to tell you what I thought about it when I watched it. So what did I think re-watching it? It was still funny, yes it has problems but what film doesn't? What are the problems? Let's get into it.
My first issue with this is how dead mothers in films, who die suddenly, seem to know they're going to die and create a heartfelt gift for their child's 18th birthday. It's kind of amazing to me, I get it when the mother is ill and dying and have time but it just seems a little coincidental that the mother's last words would be "I made this for our child, don't let them near it until their 18th and it has to be at a critical point in their development as a person and will change your relationship with our child forever." I don't know, this is just confusing to me.
Looking back on my notes and thinking back to it, that's the only issue I can think of, I'm sure I'll probably find more when I watch this again, I always do. So let's get into the positives.
I love the thing with Quasimodo and his rat, Esmeralda. Did he name the rat after his lost love? Is the rat an example of the woman in the book rather than the Disney adaptation? I don't know but it's a cool thing to put in there for those who love the book or the Disney film or both really. To be honest, I never even picked up on it until maybe the fourth or fifth time I watched this and I was kind of blown away by how I didn't notice it.
Steve Buschemi as the wolf-man is probably my favourite character in this, I mean, how can you not feel bad for this guy? He's got around 20-30 pups who don't respect him bar one, his wife is heavily pregnant with another litter of pups, he can't sleep because these pups are apparently overly energised insomniacs and as soon as he gets a second of sleep the alarm goes off. This poor guy just can't catch a break and even gets judged by his friends for eating a herd of sheep blocking the road because...that's what wolves do. I just love Buschemi anyway but I love him in this role too.
This film also raises important questions, such as where exactly did this thing with Dracula saying "bleh bleh bleh" come from? I've not read the book in a while or watched the Hammer classics but I don't think it started there. Maybe it was in a comedy skit? SNL maybe? It probably started before SNL though...shit I don't know but this is important and I would like an answer to that.
Overall, I do love this film, the heartfelt moments are well done, the connections between the characters are believable, the humour is good, there are fart jokes for kids, there's character based humour for adults which is especially funny with the invisible man and wolf-man. It's kind of educational in the sense that it brings to light different monsters to kids attention, like some kids will know of Frankenstein but not a lot will know of the bride of Frankenstein. It's great, and something fun to show kids, especially around Halloween, y'know, with all those monsters. This is a pretty good project from Sandler and if you wanna hate on something of his, go hate Pixels, that's terrible and judging by the promotional shots of Sandler's face, even he wasn't all that happy with that one. Anyway, that's it for today, peace guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
Sunday, 7 May 2017
13 Reasons Why - Episode 4
What the fuck is up with everyone?!
13 Reasons Why
Episode 4: Tape 2 side B
So far, this episode has the worst message with the worst intention. Make your own justice. I can see how that can be a good thing I mean, as a teenager nobody takes you seriously and at one point I've had to get my own justice for something but that doesn't mean it's right. You shouldn't do that. I in no way advocate violence in any way and you definitely shouldn't encourage others to be violent to another person. It's not funny, all you're doing is giving another person pain or fear. If you feel so strongly about what this person has done to you, talk to the police. Do not insight violence on others.
Episode plot: Hannah has a stalker and decides to encourage others to damage that person's home, Clay takes it to a whole other disgusting level.
Marcus: Marcus (Steven Silver) is my absolute favourite person in this episode. First, he shows up in this really cool sombrero that lights up and plays a song. My absolute favourite hat. Then he brings us a well-needed slice of truth. Clay says something about the rules of listening to the tapes which...I literally don't remember them, I really don't, to which Marcus tells him -
Quote: "Dude, Hannah's dead. I'm sorry but it's true, nothing anyone did to her was any different than what happens to every girl that ever went to high school. She just wanted attention. And then leaving those tapes? That's a fucked up thing to do, no one deserves that."
Seems to sum up my thoughts on her pretty well. The only thing I didn't like about him was that he called Taylor (Devin Druid) a psycho. I mean yeah he did some gross things but not psychopathic.
Taylor: So what did he do to be called a "psycho"? He stalked Hannah, took pictures of her in her bedroom and took pictures of her making out with Courtney (Michele Selene Ang) and then had the gall to spread one of the pictures around school when she rejects him. This is horrible behaviour but in no way deserves what comes to him.
What Hannah should have done was talk to either someone at the school with Courtney, they have the proof that photos were taken, they both caught him at the same time and maybe he had backup copies on his phone or in his dark room. All they had to do was keep quiet about telling someone about it and he'd have been busted and suffered the proper consequences.
Hannah: Good fuck I don't know what the worst thing she's done so far is. She made these tapes blaming everyone in her life for this. She made a second set of the tapes because why the shit not. She never left her parents a tape or a note to ease their thoughts (to an extent). She didn't have to give them 13 tapes telling them who did it and how she could just tell them that her head wasn't in the right place to carry on living or something like that. Maybe just a note telling them it's not their fault. I dunno, just a shitty move. Finally, she encourages the people who listen to the tapes to throw rocks at Taylors window. That's a new level of shitty.
She says she wants him to feel what she felt, to not feel safe in his own bedroom. How nasty is that? How sadistic is that? How can she wish that on someone else? What if she was beaten and raped in her own room? Would she wish that on whoever did that to her? Fucking disgusting, honestly.
Clay: Speaking of disgusting behaviour, Clay, as I said before, takes it to a new level. Rather than throw a rock at his bedroom window, he takes a picture of Taylor from behind, naked and sends it around in a group message to the whole damn school. When Tony asks him "what the hell?" (see it's in this one too just not directed at Tony) Clay replies "Making my own justice." I'm not sure the exact wording but it was something along that line. And that is vile behaviour.
If there are kids watching this, like 12-18-year-olds, do not take this as how you should deal with things. Actually y'know what, no matter how old you are, don't do this shit. Just because someone did this to you doesn't mean you should do it back or get people to do it to you. Do not be this horrible. This episode promotes violence and violation of privacy because "they deserve it". Nobody deserves it and please do not listen to the message of this episode. Anyway, that's me done for the day, I'm hungry I'm gonna go get food. Peace out guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
13 Reasons Why
Episode 4: Tape 2 side B
So far, this episode has the worst message with the worst intention. Make your own justice. I can see how that can be a good thing I mean, as a teenager nobody takes you seriously and at one point I've had to get my own justice for something but that doesn't mean it's right. You shouldn't do that. I in no way advocate violence in any way and you definitely shouldn't encourage others to be violent to another person. It's not funny, all you're doing is giving another person pain or fear. If you feel so strongly about what this person has done to you, talk to the police. Do not insight violence on others.
Episode plot: Hannah has a stalker and decides to encourage others to damage that person's home, Clay takes it to a whole other disgusting level.
Marcus: Marcus (Steven Silver) is my absolute favourite person in this episode. First, he shows up in this really cool sombrero that lights up and plays a song. My absolute favourite hat. Then he brings us a well-needed slice of truth. Clay says something about the rules of listening to the tapes which...I literally don't remember them, I really don't, to which Marcus tells him -
Quote: "Dude, Hannah's dead. I'm sorry but it's true, nothing anyone did to her was any different than what happens to every girl that ever went to high school. She just wanted attention. And then leaving those tapes? That's a fucked up thing to do, no one deserves that."
Seems to sum up my thoughts on her pretty well. The only thing I didn't like about him was that he called Taylor (Devin Druid) a psycho. I mean yeah he did some gross things but not psychopathic.
Taylor: So what did he do to be called a "psycho"? He stalked Hannah, took pictures of her in her bedroom and took pictures of her making out with Courtney (Michele Selene Ang) and then had the gall to spread one of the pictures around school when she rejects him. This is horrible behaviour but in no way deserves what comes to him.
What Hannah should have done was talk to either someone at the school with Courtney, they have the proof that photos were taken, they both caught him at the same time and maybe he had backup copies on his phone or in his dark room. All they had to do was keep quiet about telling someone about it and he'd have been busted and suffered the proper consequences.
Hannah: Good fuck I don't know what the worst thing she's done so far is. She made these tapes blaming everyone in her life for this. She made a second set of the tapes because why the shit not. She never left her parents a tape or a note to ease their thoughts (to an extent). She didn't have to give them 13 tapes telling them who did it and how she could just tell them that her head wasn't in the right place to carry on living or something like that. Maybe just a note telling them it's not their fault. I dunno, just a shitty move. Finally, she encourages the people who listen to the tapes to throw rocks at Taylors window. That's a new level of shitty.
She says she wants him to feel what she felt, to not feel safe in his own bedroom. How nasty is that? How sadistic is that? How can she wish that on someone else? What if she was beaten and raped in her own room? Would she wish that on whoever did that to her? Fucking disgusting, honestly.
Clay: Speaking of disgusting behaviour, Clay, as I said before, takes it to a new level. Rather than throw a rock at his bedroom window, he takes a picture of Taylor from behind, naked and sends it around in a group message to the whole damn school. When Tony asks him "what the hell?" (see it's in this one too just not directed at Tony) Clay replies "Making my own justice." I'm not sure the exact wording but it was something along that line. And that is vile behaviour.
If there are kids watching this, like 12-18-year-olds, do not take this as how you should deal with things. Actually y'know what, no matter how old you are, don't do this shit. Just because someone did this to you doesn't mean you should do it back or get people to do it to you. Do not be this horrible. This episode promotes violence and violation of privacy because "they deserve it". Nobody deserves it and please do not listen to the message of this episode. Anyway, that's me done for the day, I'm hungry I'm gonna go get food. Peace out guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Sunday, 30 April 2017
13 Reasons Why - Episode 3
Alex's very boring tape
13 Reasons Why
Episode 3: Tape 2 side A
Honestly, this episode was just boring, it reiterated the same point over and over. Boys are dicks and will write mean things about you. I'm going to say now that this one might not be all that long because this episode's biggest crime was that it was just boring and I don't like repeating my same points over and over.
Episode plot: It's Alex's turn to take the blame because he took part in writing a list about the best and worst features on girls at school. It seems as though she covered this in her previous tape about Jessica and she probably could have put them both on the same tape.
Title card: Since the first episode something has been bugging me about the opening credits, and it's not just the fact that they're kind of unnecessary for a Netflix show that people binge on. It's taken me a little while to realise why I can't stand it and it's the way that the title of the show is presented to us. It's not just 13 Reasons Why or Thirteen Reasons Why, for whatever reason, someone decided that it'd be fun to combine the two, giving us Th1rteen R3asons Why and doesn't that just look fucking ugly? Do the people behind the scenes creating the title card think teenagers write this way? Especially highschoolers? I mean...maybe back in the early 2000's when Sk8r Boy was a thing it was probably cool to write that way but fuck, that's an assault to the eyes right there.
Clay: In this episode, we see Clay take a fucking volleyball to the wound on his head in gym class. It kind of comes out of nowhere but the guy wasn't paying attention and managed to just get smashed. It's painful to see and of course, the guy swears over the pain he's in. Does his gym teacher care? Fuck no, just tells him to watch his language. I mean...what a shitty teacher man. Christ.
Alex: The subject of today's tape and maybe even a victim of Hannah's spiteful tape crusade. Alex does admit to what he did and knows that what he did was terrible and rightfully so, feels terrible about it. He then *SPOILER IF YOU'VE NOT SEEN IT* tries to down himself, I'm not 100% on whether he did drown or if it was just an attempt or it was a very obvious visual metaphor to show how he's "drowning" in his own thoughts over this but damn, was this Hannah's intention? To get people to follow her if they can admit to themselves that they did a shitty thing to her? Is it me or does that sound like something out of a SAW movie?
Hannah: Thankfully, there wasn't a lot of her in this one. She continues to place blame and in this one, I do see how she could be extremely upset over the events. She becomes a pawn in Alex's petty relationship problem which causes her to lose her friend Jessica, she is then getting talked about behind her back and I mean who hasn't had that? Especially girls, girls are fucking horrible creatures and we're even worse in school because that's when we start becoming self-aware. The worst part about the episode which I do feel bad for her is where she's at the corner shop buying chocolate and Brice (Justin Prentice), a friend of Justin's, comes up behind her, grabs and squeezes her arse. That's disgusting behaviour and it's not right that he felt he had the right to do it because Hannah was noted as "best ass" on that list. It's disgusting and this is the only time so far that I support Hannah's right to be severely upset.
Tony: I'm literally going to count how many times Clay says "Tony, what the hell?" Or "What the hell, Tony?" It could be the show's secret catchphrase. Tony is also played by Christian Navarro who looks like he 100% does not belong in high school. He looks like he is in his mid-late 20's and has some gorgeous tattoos. I need some help working this out because are visible tattoos allowed in American high schools for 17/18-year-olds? If so then why is that ok? I need answers guys.
The girl's bathroom: Remember what I said when I was talking about the men's stalls in the first episode? How I was saying it was unrealistic that such lovely things were written on the walls? Remember what I said in an earlier paragraph about high school girls being evil? Turns out in this universe that's true, wanna know what they write on their walls? Here's a fancy little list for y'all.
13 Reasons Why
Episode 3: Tape 2 side A
Honestly, this episode was just boring, it reiterated the same point over and over. Boys are dicks and will write mean things about you. I'm going to say now that this one might not be all that long because this episode's biggest crime was that it was just boring and I don't like repeating my same points over and over.
Episode plot: It's Alex's turn to take the blame because he took part in writing a list about the best and worst features on girls at school. It seems as though she covered this in her previous tape about Jessica and she probably could have put them both on the same tape.
Title card: Since the first episode something has been bugging me about the opening credits, and it's not just the fact that they're kind of unnecessary for a Netflix show that people binge on. It's taken me a little while to realise why I can't stand it and it's the way that the title of the show is presented to us. It's not just 13 Reasons Why or Thirteen Reasons Why, for whatever reason, someone decided that it'd be fun to combine the two, giving us Th1rteen R3asons Why and doesn't that just look fucking ugly? Do the people behind the scenes creating the title card think teenagers write this way? Especially highschoolers? I mean...maybe back in the early 2000's when Sk8r Boy was a thing it was probably cool to write that way but fuck, that's an assault to the eyes right there.
Clay: In this episode, we see Clay take a fucking volleyball to the wound on his head in gym class. It kind of comes out of nowhere but the guy wasn't paying attention and managed to just get smashed. It's painful to see and of course, the guy swears over the pain he's in. Does his gym teacher care? Fuck no, just tells him to watch his language. I mean...what a shitty teacher man. Christ.
Alex: The subject of today's tape and maybe even a victim of Hannah's spiteful tape crusade. Alex does admit to what he did and knows that what he did was terrible and rightfully so, feels terrible about it. He then *SPOILER IF YOU'VE NOT SEEN IT* tries to down himself, I'm not 100% on whether he did drown or if it was just an attempt or it was a very obvious visual metaphor to show how he's "drowning" in his own thoughts over this but damn, was this Hannah's intention? To get people to follow her if they can admit to themselves that they did a shitty thing to her? Is it me or does that sound like something out of a SAW movie?
Hannah: Thankfully, there wasn't a lot of her in this one. She continues to place blame and in this one, I do see how she could be extremely upset over the events. She becomes a pawn in Alex's petty relationship problem which causes her to lose her friend Jessica, she is then getting talked about behind her back and I mean who hasn't had that? Especially girls, girls are fucking horrible creatures and we're even worse in school because that's when we start becoming self-aware. The worst part about the episode which I do feel bad for her is where she's at the corner shop buying chocolate and Brice (Justin Prentice), a friend of Justin's, comes up behind her, grabs and squeezes her arse. That's disgusting behaviour and it's not right that he felt he had the right to do it because Hannah was noted as "best ass" on that list. It's disgusting and this is the only time so far that I support Hannah's right to be severely upset.
Tony: I'm literally going to count how many times Clay says "Tony, what the hell?" Or "What the hell, Tony?" It could be the show's secret catchphrase. Tony is also played by Christian Navarro who looks like he 100% does not belong in high school. He looks like he is in his mid-late 20's and has some gorgeous tattoos. I need some help working this out because are visible tattoos allowed in American high schools for 17/18-year-olds? If so then why is that ok? I need answers guys.
The girl's bathroom: Remember what I said when I was talking about the men's stalls in the first episode? How I was saying it was unrealistic that such lovely things were written on the walls? Remember what I said in an earlier paragraph about high school girls being evil? Turns out in this universe that's true, wanna know what they write on their walls? Here's a fancy little list for y'all.
- Eat me
- Megans a whore - look who's talking bitch
- Amy is / has (I couldn't see it that well) a big wet cunt
- Jamie is such a basic bitch
- Megan is a whore and a cum dumpster
- Lisa is a gang-banger
- Diane is a whore
- D.T / P.T (again I couldn't see it all that well but I'm sure it was one or the other) had an abortion - naming my next abortion after you bitch
- Eat Shit Janis
- Fuck you Amy
- You are so ugly no on would even rape you
How vile is that? Very. How realistic is that? For America, I'm not sure but for over here it's definitely not, the worst thing you see in a women's toilet is the stuff that's meant to be in the toilet, is everywhere but in the toilet. It's a genuine nightmare for a girl to go to the bathroom in public. I don't even know how girls miss the toilet entirely and get stuff up the walls and on the floor. You guys attaching fucking tubes to yourselves and having water fights with the door closed or something? Fuck me, it's disgusting. 10/10 would not recommend using a public bathroom in (at the very least) the North West of England. I have yet to find out what the rest of the country is like.
Anyway, that's what I thought of that one, see you guys whenever for the next one. Hopefully, it won't be as dull as this one was. Peace guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Thursday, 27 April 2017
13 Reasons Why - Episode 2
Hot chocolate is the cure for all things shitty
13 Reasons Why
Episode 2: Tape 1 side B.
In this episode, we learn that you can't trust what the dead say. Should be a given because we can't ask them for any more information, thinking about it, why should we trust what anyone says in this story? It's their word against a dead girls. Besides that, we're seeing this how she wants us to see this, to paint herself as the ultimate victim.
Episode plot: Hannah tells the story of how she became friends with another new girl called Jessica (Alisha Boe) and a new guy, Alex (Miles Heizer). Soon enough she discovers that friendship is fake when love is involved.
I have so many problems with this episode. First off, there's the counsellor, Mrs Antilli (Lisa Anne Morrison) who is the happiest person I have ever seen in my entire 19 years of life. I have no idea how anyone can be that sickeningly happy while working in a school. Then there's the fact that Hannah says that once her, Jessica and Alex are all friends, they eventually went their separate ways, or so she thought. It seems that through the lens we're seeing this, the lens Hannah has created, that Alex dropped the girls as friends because he "upgraded" as Hannah puts it. Then Jessica drops Hannah for some reason. We then see that Jessica and Alex are dating and rather than just drop either of them a text saying "hi, what's up? Wanna hang out sometime?" she decides to leave them be.
Jessica tells Clay that it was actually Hannah that stopped coming, bringing his ideas of what he thought to be true crashing down around him as he asks "but why would she lie?" Why would she lie Clay? I'll tell you why, she's manipulating the events to paint herself a nice victim portrait, to show everyone that she was alone and nobody cared.
I understand that depression and a variety of other mental health issues can cause you to pull away from those you care about, I've been there, done that got the t-shirt and been going back and forth on a holiday there for years. But the thing is, you can't make yourself out as a victim because two of your friends got together and you didn't like it so you pulled away from them. That's not how friendship works. As you said, Hannah, friendship is complicated.
You did nothing: At the beginning of the episode, Hannah tells us, in not so many specific words, that her death, whether you're immediately linked to her or not, is your fault. And this seems to be a thing that's probably going to be pushed through every episode and I really can't be bothered with that. This is such a horrible move for this girl to make, has she thought about her own actions? Has she thought that school is going to be over soon and she'll never have to hear these rumours again? Has she thought to just ignore them and find herself some better friends who won't slap her in public and call her a slut? She's definitely planned this out more than she should have and it's going to be interesting to see how this plays out.
Clay: This little bundle of idiot innocence strikes again with not knowing how to talk to a girl. Hannah asks him if he thinks she'll ever be as pretty as Jessica and he pauses like...the fuck? You're really pretty, probably prettier than her. She then gets in a huff which...I understand I've done that more than enough times when it takes Ben more than a second to agree with me that I'm cute as fuck but then he says she's special. Bitch no, you don't do that, that's not a good save. God. This is the only scene in which I like Hannah.
Hannah: My like for Hannah was short lived, unfortunately. At the start of the episode, Hannah is telling us that she knows why we're still listening to these tapes, we want to know who else killed her and how. It's disgustingly smug and she finishes her little speech with Quote: "oh and by the way, I'm still dead." What a horrible thing to say, of course you're still dead, listening to these tapes and forcing people to be guilt ridden isn't going to bring you back, nor is it going to bring you any sort of satisfaction. If you'd faked your death and were watching this from afar to see the misery you were causing that would be understandable but you're dead. There is no point in this aside from petty vengeance for your friend getting a boyfriend.
The tapes: There's an investigation into Hannah's suicide and so far at least 4 people, not counting Clay have listened to these tapes. Why has nobody thought to hand these into the police? It could be helpful in finding out what happened and from Hannah's point of view too. Then again with Hannah not saying anything was her fault and manipulating the story so as to make the listener to feel guilty, maybe that's a good enough reason to not tell the police. Why should they trust the manipulator?
Overall, I still can't stand Hannah, and she seems to become a slightly worse person as these tapes go on, there's only so much I can take before I go mad and say things I will regret about her. Maybe she'll make me a tape. Anyway, that's it from me today, I'm heading out and enjoying the day for once so peace out guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Hannah: My like for Hannah was short lived, unfortunately. At the start of the episode, Hannah is telling us that she knows why we're still listening to these tapes, we want to know who else killed her and how. It's disgustingly smug and she finishes her little speech with Quote: "oh and by the way, I'm still dead." What a horrible thing to say, of course you're still dead, listening to these tapes and forcing people to be guilt ridden isn't going to bring you back, nor is it going to bring you any sort of satisfaction. If you'd faked your death and were watching this from afar to see the misery you were causing that would be understandable but you're dead. There is no point in this aside from petty vengeance for your friend getting a boyfriend.
The tapes: There's an investigation into Hannah's suicide and so far at least 4 people, not counting Clay have listened to these tapes. Why has nobody thought to hand these into the police? It could be helpful in finding out what happened and from Hannah's point of view too. Then again with Hannah not saying anything was her fault and manipulating the story so as to make the listener to feel guilty, maybe that's a good enough reason to not tell the police. Why should they trust the manipulator?
Overall, I still can't stand Hannah, and she seems to become a slightly worse person as these tapes go on, there's only so much I can take before I go mad and say things I will regret about her. Maybe she'll make me a tape. Anyway, that's it from me today, I'm heading out and enjoying the day for once so peace out guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this episode/series. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this series then go and support its creators by watching it again on its platform.
Big Stan
This is really not going to be long.
Director: Rob Schnieder
Writer: Josh Lieb
If there's an actor I can't stand more than Matthew Broderick, it's got to be Rob Schnieder. Fuck him. I hate his acting, I hate his directing. I hate this film. Don't get me wrong, both these guys are probably lovely in person and I'm not going to judge them as people but...whenever I see them on screen I wanna hit something.
So what can I say about this film? It has some incredibly good actors in it, especially Jennifer Morrison who I just love in Once Upon A Time, there's also David Carradine who you might know from Kill Bill volumes 1 and 2. Let's have a look at who else is in this, Scott Wilson (Hershel from The Walking Dead), Richard Kind, (a hell of a lot of Pixar movies), Jackson Rathbone (Twilight series) Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel from The Simpsons) and a fair few others so I really can't wrap my mind around the fact that this film sucks when you've got some amazing actors involved. Fuck.
The story falls flat on its face. Rob Schnieder gets sent to prison and has six months get his affairs in order before actually going behind bars. Fine, could be fun to see what goes down with that. Schnieder gets help from "The Master" played by David Carradine to toughen up and not get raped in jail. Again, fair enough. Where it falls apart is around the 40-minute mark, I know it was 40 minutes because I thought the film was almost over and there was an hour left. The film falls apart because this tiny ass 30-40-year-old man walks into a prison and just takes control. If I was in a prison and he walked in trying that shit I'd beat the hell out of him. And if I couldn't take him alone what with all that martial arts training he had then I'd get my gang to help me, not fucking run at him one at a time.
Speaking of martial arts training, during the first act of the film, we see Schnieder learning karate. No problem with that right so why bring it up? I'm bringing it up because he was in a child's class. Was there just such little demand for adult classes? Can this billionaire not afford private classes? What the fuck?
I will say this, there is one funny line. During a shower scene, the leader of the nazi gang has made a shiv out of a melted toothbrush and a razor blade, Schnieder sees the guy coming up behind him in a reflection and fights him. He gets sliced on the chest, looks down at it, looks back up at the guy and just says Quote: "that's gonna scar, you psycho." That's honestly just it.
The film, aside from that line, isn't funny, or worth watching. It's a waste of time and I checked the time 6 times throughout the film, at one point it was it had been 2 minutes since the last time I'd checked. This is the only time I willingly watched a Rob Schnieder film, I've been forced to do this twice, once by my best friend and the other by my boyfriend. Love hurts right. God, I need some vodka.
Ok I'm out, sorry this was short but...I can only say "this isn't a good film". There's nothing specifically bad, it's just bad. How this got a higher rating than Amy Schumer's Leather Special on Netflix is beyond me. Thinking about it, their comedy's on a similar wavelength except Schumer is less funny and grosser. Anyway, peace guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
Director: Rob Schnieder
Writer: Josh Lieb
If there's an actor I can't stand more than Matthew Broderick, it's got to be Rob Schnieder. Fuck him. I hate his acting, I hate his directing. I hate this film. Don't get me wrong, both these guys are probably lovely in person and I'm not going to judge them as people but...whenever I see them on screen I wanna hit something.
So what can I say about this film? It has some incredibly good actors in it, especially Jennifer Morrison who I just love in Once Upon A Time, there's also David Carradine who you might know from Kill Bill volumes 1 and 2. Let's have a look at who else is in this, Scott Wilson (Hershel from The Walking Dead), Richard Kind, (a hell of a lot of Pixar movies), Jackson Rathbone (Twilight series) Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel from The Simpsons) and a fair few others so I really can't wrap my mind around the fact that this film sucks when you've got some amazing actors involved. Fuck.
The story falls flat on its face. Rob Schnieder gets sent to prison and has six months get his affairs in order before actually going behind bars. Fine, could be fun to see what goes down with that. Schnieder gets help from "The Master" played by David Carradine to toughen up and not get raped in jail. Again, fair enough. Where it falls apart is around the 40-minute mark, I know it was 40 minutes because I thought the film was almost over and there was an hour left. The film falls apart because this tiny ass 30-40-year-old man walks into a prison and just takes control. If I was in a prison and he walked in trying that shit I'd beat the hell out of him. And if I couldn't take him alone what with all that martial arts training he had then I'd get my gang to help me, not fucking run at him one at a time.
Speaking of martial arts training, during the first act of the film, we see Schnieder learning karate. No problem with that right so why bring it up? I'm bringing it up because he was in a child's class. Was there just such little demand for adult classes? Can this billionaire not afford private classes? What the fuck?
I will say this, there is one funny line. During a shower scene, the leader of the nazi gang has made a shiv out of a melted toothbrush and a razor blade, Schnieder sees the guy coming up behind him in a reflection and fights him. He gets sliced on the chest, looks down at it, looks back up at the guy and just says Quote: "that's gonna scar, you psycho." That's honestly just it.
The film, aside from that line, isn't funny, or worth watching. It's a waste of time and I checked the time 6 times throughout the film, at one point it was it had been 2 minutes since the last time I'd checked. This is the only time I willingly watched a Rob Schnieder film, I've been forced to do this twice, once by my best friend and the other by my boyfriend. Love hurts right. God, I need some vodka.
Ok I'm out, sorry this was short but...I can only say "this isn't a good film". There's nothing specifically bad, it's just bad. How this got a higher rating than Amy Schumer's Leather Special on Netflix is beyond me. Thinking about it, their comedy's on a similar wavelength except Schumer is less funny and grosser. Anyway, peace guys.
This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.
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