All About Steve

So today I watched All About Steve...

Director: Phil Traill
Written by: Kim Baker

Y'know what, this film wasn't as bad as people have said it is. I mean it's definitely crap but it's not that bad...I guess. In all honesty, I don't even know where to start with this because this film just kinda left no impact on me, I don't feel offended or let down or angry or sad or anything. I suppose I could start with the negatives but...it's just mostly surface things that are naff. I dunno, I'm just gonna go into my notes and see what comes out of those. This is probably gonna be a short review.

I've got a lot of notes on the writing, most of them are pretty much just "What the fuck is this?" "Who talks like this?" "This is really boring dialogue". For example, there's a part where Mary (Sandra Bullock) is just jabbering on talking at these people on the bus after thinking she's been genuinely invited to go and travel with Steve (Bradly Cooper). The bus driver gets sick of her just going on and somehow she's 100% certain that only Mary will want to get off the bus and pee so she pulls over and lets Mary off and drives away leaving Mary at this roadside cafe. Mary then goes into the cafe and asks someone for a ride, and also asks him not to rape and kill her, and also asks him if he has a "trashcan full of kittens". What the fuck? Who the hell even asks that of someone you want to get a lift from? The way the people talk in this film is a little all over the place really. Sometimes it flows naturally and then other times it's like two introverts with nothing in common are being forced to have a conversation about something that they're not even interested in. This whole film just sort of feels like sometimes the actors are slightly invested and in other places, they're just reading their lines. I'm sure the director was just holding their paycheck off screen to help them along.

The characters behaviours were a little off as well, with Bullock getting slightly obsessed with Cooper upon their first meeting and quite literally puts her career in danger by acting like a 13-year-old fangirl. The "All About Steve" crossword thing was something a child would do, not something a grown woman who is fairly intelligent would do. Cooper's character was also a little off, in the way that he goes almost insane at the thought of seeing Mary again, going to the extent of throwing all the food they have out of the van because he's convinced that she's poisoned the food. I do understand where that's coming from considering he thinks he's getting stalked but...it just happens a little too instantly. I can see this sort of behaviour coming up after weeks/months of being stalked but not two days. I guess everybody's different and would react differently but this just seemed a little bit rushed.

Last point I'm gonna make negatively is that this film got dark right the fuck out of nowhere. And I mean dark. Like there was a line that was similar to "what do you have to do to get a good news story" or something? I'm not 100% sure because I was finishing writing up a previous note and wasn't fully paying attention but the next thing I see is a bunch of deaf kids falling into a hole in the ground. I'm not even joking, I think the film is trying to make a joke but...it didn't really land as a joke. At least it tied into the plot though so...deaf children falling into an abandoned mine was...worth it in the end? The worst part about this joke is that they left a kid down there in the mine! Why? They make a joke out of the rescue services by doing that. It also didn't really tie into anything so...yeah.

Probably the best thing in this whole entire thing in that at the end, Mary doesn't end up getting together with Steve, she doesn't end up with anybody but instead, she comes to the realisation that she shouldn't have to change to be "normal" for anybody. All she needs is someone normal like her if she even needs a man in her life at all. Kind of an out of nowhere thing to close on but it's a good message to any woman who sees this film.

Finally, I know I bitched about the dialogue before but there is just one golden gem that I'm almost surprised nobody has dug up since Donald Trump started his campaign as president but, no that he is the President of the US, maybe I can get the ball rolling. You'd have to switch the names out but it could still definitely work.
Quote: Where do I begin? Harman, stop tanning, you look like a cheese nip, you look like an orange with lips, you look like a wrinkled peach.

I would say that that quote could save the film as it's pretty much the only laugh I got out of this entire thing but...it doesn't really. If you wanna see this then go for it, there's nothing especially harmful in this so...that's my opinion, this film was just ok...that's it...Good afternoon, see ya soon.

This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this particular film please go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.