Avengers: Infinity War (relatively spoiler free)

You're gonna need therapy.

Directors: The Russo Brothers
Writers: Christopher Markus
                Stephen McFeely

Plot: The Avengers team up with Spiderman, Dr Strange, The Guardians of the Galaxy, Black Panther and the people of Wakanda and others to stop Thanos from getting his hands on all six infinity stones.

This is a BRAVE film guys, for real, this is a brave film. It's taken 10 years of build up, multiple different tones and styles, in multiple different films that are all connected in one huge universe. It's the franchise that has inspired the DCEU, the Star Wars extended universe, the wildly unsuccessful Dark Universe from Warner Brothers. This is the culmination of a huge plan and honestly, while it causes severe emotional stress and heartbreak and anxiety and you WILL need a therapist after, it's a damn good film.

This film blends every single film together as best as it can, I say as best as it can because from what I've seen of the Avengers films and the Spiderman (link it here) film, the Guardians of the Galaxy films and Dr Strange, they all have their own very specific style and atmosphere. Avengers seems more grounded in reality with strong sci-fi influence, as does Spiderman. Guardians still has a strong sci-fi influence but instead of it being bound to Earth, it's out in the stars, battling aliens and having sick dance-offs and Dr Strange is easily one of the trippiest films based on a comic, at least that I have seen while being based in reality but also focusing on the mystical elements of life. To break it down it's like a Harry Potter fan, a Star Wars fan and a Die Hard fan all hung out together, there's a disconnect but these people have connected enough with good chemistry that it works itself out a bit better.

The film is also brave because of how many heart attacks it gave me and a good few other people watching it, and most of that is down to the death count, it's mostly down to the fake out's. While I promise not to put in any spoilers and you've managed to avoid spoilers this far but want an idea of the pain you're in for, then I can help you with that. I can give you a survivor count, I can give you a fake out count. That's all. Just numbers.

Fake out count: 4
Survivor count: 10

Also, if you're new to this series or came in closer to the end or somewhere in the middle and haven't gone back and watched it all (like me), you don't need to. The story is surprisingly easy to pick up for people who came in late or just now and that's honestly such a good quality to have in such a big crossover. While the story has been built up over the past 10 years, it's involvement has been intertwined in a lot of the stories but there is a lot of backstory and exposition to catch people up and be it's own separate thing, while also being a continuation of multiple stories. It's good to see as a lot of big build up films like this could easily just isolate new audiences but this doesn't and I love it.

Finally, most of the CGI suuuuuuuuuuuucks. Whenever Thanos is touching something or someone it does not look at all like someone is there and touching something, it's terrible. I hope there's a Deadpool 3 that can just focus on reading films for their trash CGI. Please. Or, just a thought, make it look a little more convincing, I know it's down to budget and time but if some films can do it, a film that's had 10 years to build its brand and following can do it.

Anyway, I know I'm late to this party but some people probably haven't seen this yet so I've kept this as spoiler free as I can. If you've not seen it and want to go, then go as soon as you can, it's definitely worth it. If not, I hope you enjoyed reading this anyway, if you want spoilers you may have to go look elsewhere.

That's it from me today, I hope you have a good day, peace out, stay hydrated and I am Groot.

The Simpsons Tree House of Horror: Mmm...Homer

Always showing up late as fuck to the party bitches.

Ok so I've only just heard about this, the latest instalment of the Tree House of Horror series brought to us by America's forgotten favourite, jaundice family, and it...well it lives up to its name in its 28th episode. The rest of the episode isn't all that much to talk about, the opening is a parody of the Seth Rogan animated comedy Sausage Party. It's cute, not anything to write home about but it's cute. The family are candy snacks that are put out for Halloween, one by one the inhabitants of Springfield (also candy snacks), are taken and eaten and the morning after they're put on a shelf to be forgotten about, they speak to a chocolate Easter Bunny and basically eat him. Like I said, it's cute and has a couple cute character jokes, such as Lisa being an apple, Maggie one of those sweet rings, and Bart got to be a Butterfinger, a type of candy he would religiously promote from 1988 to 2001, however, Bart couldn't be a Butterfinger, he had to be a Bart-erfinger. Either for the name joke or Copyright issues, I guess.

The first two segments aren't much to talk about, the first is just a parody of The Exorcist, entitled The Exor-sis which I knew they would eventually do ever since I saw their Shinning segment, it was just a matter of time that they'd do that. It sticks to the source material in a way and makes fun of it in others. Personally, I wouldn't dare make fun of that film, scares the hell out of me thinking about it and all the rumours that the set was cursed. Don't be tempting fates...or demon Kings my dudes. The upside to this is that it brings to light some information about this ancient demon and also mocks it...now that I've put that out there it doesn't sound like an upside. It's a side at the very least, whether it's up or down is up to you.

The second segment is a parody of Coraline, titled Coralisa and it's the most absolute bare bones basic excuse of a parody I've seen in my life. Lisa is sick of her family so goes through a tiny door, finds a perfect alternate family but they want to sew buttons on her eyes. She refuses so goes back to her old family who immediately drives her away so she goes and gets the button eyes. The rest of her family soon follows and...that's the joke. Hope you laughed at that simple plot reversal you could see coming a million years in advance. 

Finally, our main talking point, the final segment: Mmm...Homer. 

In short, the Simpson family go away without Homer, Homer eats all the food, instead of going out and buying food like any other episode, he accidentally cuts off his finger and eats it.

Disgusted? Horrified? Confused? Intrigued? Allow me to go on and blow the whole damn segment for you.

So it starts quite dramatically, in a similar way that Marge would walk onto a stage and warn viewers at the beginning of an episode that it's quite scary and you should put your kids to bed, however, in this case, it's Lisa who walks out onto the stage, dressed in a little suit and accompanied by orchestral music. She tells us that what we're about to see is "so disgusting you'll have to watch Game Of Thrones" to calm down. Now that our warning is out of the way we can move on to the true terror.

The episode starts out with Homer spouting exposition that the rest of the family is going away to stay with Marge's sisters, Pattie and Selma while he is stuck home having to work. Marge tries to make him feel better by saying they don't have to go but Homer's way too eager to get rid of them, pushing them into the car saying that it had heard them saying goodbye and you shouldn't disappoint it. He watches them leave and as soon as they're out of sight he undresses and heads into the house singing to the tune of Willie Nelson's On The Road Again. The lyrics are obviously changed to reference his current situation of being home alone. 

During his little musical number, we see Homer eat the entire house out of its entire stock of food, that is except vegetables. He eventually starts throwing, throwing cupboard doors open and the fridge, screaming each time he finds one empty. Eventually, he finds a lone hot dog way in the back of the freezer and decides to cook it on the barbeque? I don't know, cartoon logic I guess, don't throw it in the pan when you can send shit loads of smoke into the atmosphere. The hot dog is on the grill for a good 5 to 10 seconds, all while being lathered with sauces and beer for extra nutritional value obviously. He takes it off the grill and tries to cut it, discovers that it's frozen still so tries harder to cut it rather than putting it back on the grill. He accidentally cuts through his finger which, while it is a horrific image, there isn't any blood. In an interview with EW (Entertainment Weekly) the producers basically said that they wanted to put the horror back into the series, but not have it too gruesome, which is understandable. We gotta take baby steps, guys.

The hot dog lands on the floor and Homer panics, first because of the finger being cut off, then a bigger reaction for the hotdog being on the floor and then in Santa's Little Helper's (the family dog) mouth. Homer then notices his finger on the barbeque, bulging and turning darker with the heat. Homer instinctively drools over his own finger, has a brief debate over eating the finger and then obviously eats it, and it seems to taste so damn good that even though he vows to not do this again, he thinks making it even on the other side doesn't count, then later when Ned Flanders invites Homer next door for some food, Homer is disgusted by it and then claims to be a "me-gan". Cue a fun little montage of Homer cutting himself up and eating away, I mean they tried to be funny with it but to me, it was just gross.

The family then comes home, Marge makes a note of it that Homer looks like he's lost "about 20lbs" and Homer makes a joke about cutting back and how it means something else to him, causing the family to look a little bothered but it seems to be dropped as it cuts to Marge in bed sleeping to be awoken by the sound of cooking. She gets up and goes downstairs while telling him he shouldn't be snacking in the middle of the night only to be cut off by her own scream at the sight of her Husband cooking his own whole leg in a tiny frying pan. In the background, there's a chart of Homer's body, similar to what you'd see in a butcher's of a cow's body. Pretty funny detail to add in and I only noticed it on my second time watching it. The couple look at each other for a couple of moments in total silence, Marge has no idea what to say or how to react and Homer just stares at her blankly. Eventually to break the quiet Homer gives the pan a little shake, prompting Marge to tell him that this is the worst part of their marriage. 

Marge takes him to see an addiction counsellor which is putting her enabling and door mat personality at the forefront for a second. If that was my husband, I'd be calling the police and every single mental health ward in the country. The therapist suggests that this new "diet" of his can be seen as him not liking Marge's cooking, and she admits that that's a part of it. Cute joke but honestly it's not needed really is it? You're in a segment of TreeHouse of Horror, come on, don't be cute be scary. The Therapist then excuses himself saying he's off to go be famous by talking about them. There's a short conversation where Marge essentially breaks up with Homer and he seems confused as to why.

Enter Mario Batali, a chef and writer from the States. Homer asks why he's in therapy, Batali replies that he got depressed because he ran out of exciting ingredients, that's a deep one that I don't want to go into. There's a dark joke made about them talking and Homer plays on the phrase "walk and talk" with "wok and talk" which, it's dark but also pretty cute. I like this joke because as soon as it's passed it cuts to a shot of Batali cooking Homer's whole head in a pan and Homer acting like he's in a hot tub.

The next scene is of the family sat in a small room with Marge's sisters, a not is slid under the door with "To My Family" written on it. Homer has written a note begging his family to come home and he has worked out how to get their forgiveness. They get in the car, minus Marge's sisters (what was the point in having them here?) as they get home they're surprised that their home has been turned into a restaurant. Batali reveals that Homer's final words to his family were that he had failed as a man but succeeded as an ingredient, a very Homer thing to say. Bart calls eating the brain which...is just fucking gross and the episode ends with a comment on the fast food industry, brands such as Burger King, Taco Bell, KFC and a couple others. Homer's up in heaven, back to his bulky weight having a chat with Jesus. The final joke of the episode is Homer ripping off one of his angel wings and Jesus commenting that you don't get any more of them.

And that's the episode.

Honestly, I'm so conflicted on this third segment because I've been so sad about the fact that the series had lost its edge, I remember being so afraid of these episodes as a kid that I wouldn't watch them after dark and I outright refused to watch the one with the segment parodying The Shining. Ya girl watched it once when I was like 6, took me another 4 years to able to watch that shit again. Another segment that scared me to death was Nightmare Cafeteria, it's such a logical progression in a twisted way, schools get too full, one kid has an accident and teachers discover that they're oh so delicious so they become cannibals and serve the children up as meat, turning the children into cannibals also. Those scared the hell out of me and I was sad to see in later years that this series of episodes lost it's creativity and decided that they would go more the comedy route than the horror route. Was it just me growing up and building an immunity to cartoon horror? Was it the writers for not writing something scary like we know they could do? Was it a combination of both? Maybe answers all of those questions. I'm glad to see that this segment, Mmm...Homer is scary and lives up to its predecessors.

On the other hand, while I really am glad to see this segment and its intensity, I'm just wary of the time it's aired and the age group most likely to watch it. In America, the show airs usually around 8:30pm which is fair enough, little tiny kids who only watch it to be entranced by the colours and kept busy for a while, these kids are safe from this episode. However, kids of about 6-7 and upwards are probably able to understand what's going on in this segment and possibly be afraid of it. It's something that, back in the day, parents would be fine showing their kids this sort of thing, but now? Boy, you best believe this shit won't fly on a 6pm airtime in the UK. We kick off when a channel airs a classic film about rabbits when we know exactly what this film is about, we let our kids watch it and then we complain that it's on the tv at that time and scarring and traumatising our kids. We don't think ahead and chose to turn the channel or make sure we know what our kids are going to be watching, we just put it on to shut them up and when they get scared well...that's televisions fault not ours. Either way, in this day and age I think it would be dangerous to show this to a child.

On the third hand, I personally think it's good for kids to be exposed to stuff like this, it's not as bad as it seems and yet...I grew up with worse. Granted I watched The Exorcist aged 8 but that's neither here nor there. Look at any of the classic Disney films and you'll remember being scared of something in them. Look at the rabbit film I mentioned earlier, Watership Down is a truly harrowing film to watch but I watched it and I turned out...fine, I guess. Most of my issues aren't because of what I grew up watching, they're because of lots of other contributing factors. What I grew up watching made me way stronger emotionally and intellectually than I would have been if my parents babied me and shielded me from any kind of fear or pain. Kids need this sort of fear to build them up, kids can tell you what they're scared of and what they're not and if you listen to them you can help them get past those fears at their pace. If you just shield them, like many parents are doing now, they're going to grow up entitled, wanting to completely avoid any kind of fear, wanting places set up for them to actively get away from something that even mildly scares them, they will allow the horror industry to die and that is something I am not here for. Fear is what makes us human, you cannot take that away from future generations.

So to close out, I both like and dislike this episodes final segment, I think it's a wonderful return to form for the cartoon series that's gone so far downhill that it's probably only salvation is the THOH series.

I tried for ages to make a joke using the Green Eggs & Ham rhyme but all I got was "I do not like Homer's leg as lamb" and it's not that funny and I'm not good at the rhyming thing to make a whole little poem based around that crappy joke, however, I like the line and I spent ages trying to work out how to use it. This is gonna have to do I guess.

Have a good day kids.

Stay hydrated... just...don't self-cannibalise in order to do it.

This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald - Trailer

YOOOOOO

IT'S HERE MY DUDES

IT. IS. HERE!!!!!

Ya girl is so excited, I've waited forever for this to happen, well more like 2 years but it's been a stupid long couple of years. But it's here, the first official trailer for the second installment of the Fantastic Beasts series and I am so here for it I could explode. This has completed my damn life for a little bit. This has given me some joy in the midst of having a few pretty shit days and even though I've had the recent Christopher Robin trailer to keep me happy, it's not long enough to soothe me for as long as I needed.

However, the people over at Warner Brothers got my back and dropped a trailer for the trailer the other day which got me excited, then on Tuesday night when I got home I saw the whole trailer and I just about melted.

I'm not gonna talk about the whole thing like I did with the Christopher Robin trailer, I'm just going to talk about the best and worst bits. Y'all ready to go in on this? You should be 'cause you clicked on the post...

Highlights include:

Hogwarts in it's prime. Dumbldore isn't in charge of the school, children can get along with their lives like normal wizard children, Harry Potter isn't the centre of the universe. All is well. Although we do get to see the back of Dumbledore's head, similar to the introduction of Grindelwald in the first film, I'm pretty sure that this guy isn't the child sacrificing maniac he will soon become. We're all blessed to see this version of Dumbledore played by Jude Law.

My baby Eddie Redmayne shows up too...I mean obviously, he is the lead character. Turns out he's in Paris now (Paris looks gorgeous by the way in this film), allegedly following orders from Dumbledore, to which Dumbledore says "If you ever had the pleasure to teach him, you'd know Newt is not a great follower of Orders". Which fair enough, but you're not great at that shit either boo.

There's a moment, literally just about 2 seconds long where you see a whole room, which I'm assuming is either the Ministry or another Magical council just sat, and in the middle stands our blonde, terrible actor, Johnny Depp as Grindelwald. This is easily one of the more powerful images from the trailer and you know in the film it's either already ruined by Depp talking or they might let that image sit for a second to let you feel the full impact of that image. It'd be nice but we know what will most likely happen.

Then we see little Newt's girlfriend, Tina looking a little shifty, she's only there for a second but it's nice to see her brought back. And before anybody says anything about spoilers because Newt and Tina weren't together in the last film, let's be real, even if you don't know your wizarding world family tree's, you can tell from the writing and chemistry that these two characters are going to end up together. You just don't root for them as hard as Jacob and Queenie.

Finally, the absolute best part of the trailer, you see Dumbldore and Scamander casting a spell toward the end and holy hell, if my life wasn't complete just from the rest of the trailer, that bit defintely just finished it off. It looks so cool and I swear if anybody wants to tell me otherwise I will fight you on it. I promise that.

Onto the Negatives which are...few.

Grindelwald looks a lot more like one of the Chuckle Brothers, the one that didn't age all that well, not a great look for the OG dark wizard is it? Of course not, but then again having Johnny Depp be a part of this franchise was already a bit of a risk and boy did it not pay off.

Jacob is back also, which isn't really a negative but I would have liked to have not seen him in the trailer. The last film left us wondering how much he really remembered when Queenie walked into his shop, a nice ambiguous ending. So to see him already in his next adventure is a bit too revealing. Like yeah he did remember everything and here's the proof before you see the film. I just wish we could have gotten a moment from the begining of the film, showing just him and Queenie together in the shop, reconnecting. I get that it had to be an action packed trailer but having something soft would have been nice.

The title of the film is a bother too. Like really think about it. Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. Where is the connecting point for those two things? Is the film about the OG dark wizard? The murder and torture and the power and everything people had to do to stop this evil force from taking over? Or is it about a lovely Hufflepuff boy travelling the world and writing about the magical animals he comes across? I'd like to say that making this series the way it has been made was a mistake, I mean, when the first Fantastic Beasts film came out I was so excited to see all these magical creatures I'd read about come to life and what did I get? Some of the animal but a lot of talk of Grindelwald being back. That's not what we wanted from this series and now it's basically just using the animals as tools to fight a great evil, that's not what this should be.

Honestly, pick a lane writers, and that includes you Joanne. I love that you created this world for me to grow up with, and I admire the hell out of your strength for going through everything, however, your creative vision seems a little confused. If you wanted to make Hogwarts: A History and focus on the history of the first dark wizard then go for it. If you wanted to make Fantastic Beasts & Where to find them then do it! Don't splice the two and make nobody happy with the result. Well I'm sure it's not nobody that's happy, in fact I genuinely loved the first film, but it seems like you've taken it in a direction that isn't Fantasic Beasts and that's sad. Maybe someone else could give us the stories behind these animals while you continue to get ahead of yourself.

I really do love your work Joanne, but please, in the words of my tutor after handing in a terrible essay "Pick something to focus on and write about that."

That's all I've got to say about the trailer to the upcoming Fantasic Beasts film. The film is out November 16th this year and regardless of what I said before, I'm genuinely bursting with excitement to see what this film brings up. Hell, maybe there will be more animals and less Johnny Depp, but a girl can only dream.

Here's the trailer so you can have a look for yourself and make a decision on whether it's as good as it looks or not. Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald - Trailer

Have a good day and remember, you can't apparate inside Hogwarts grounds.

This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about the films listed. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like the films listed then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray or paying for a ticket to see the film in theaters.

Disney's Christopher Robin - Teaser Trailer

Bet you've been waiting for this for a while.

So I've been missing for...a while really and that's because I've literally had no laptop to write with since November / December. But that doesn't matter, you've not waited for me to come back and waffle on about what I thought about the new Fifty Shades film or Early Man, you've missed me talking about Disney, and considering I've not done that for a while and I just spent the past ten minutes crying over a teaser trailer, I thought it only right that I come back with some Disney talk.

From the limited information we get in the trailer, it looks like our little friend Christopher is having a bit of a hard life, he's lost his childhood imagination and works for some sort of business, being an adult and all that. His boss has laid off a few of his co-workers and has asked Christopher to work during his time off, in which he was going to go on a trip with his wife and daughter. Of course, he ends up choosing his work and they go on the trip without him. He goes back to what I can only assume is where he grew up and he sits, puts his head in his hands and says "what to do" three times. That's when our favourite little ol' bear speaks up with "what to do indeed". This leads to the best part of the trailer, a grown man shouting "Pooh". This then leads to the sweetest thing I've seen in a while. Christopher says something about thinking he's cracked and Pooh Bear says "oh I don't see any cracks..." the little bear then reaches up, touches Christopher's face and says "...A few wrinkles maybe." Roll the "Coming Soon" card and the trailer is over and my heart has snapped.

The plot to this film seems like it might have a similar plot to Hook. Grown fictitious character spends too much time working and not enough with his family, meets up with something/one from his past and has to learn to have fun again. The only difference I can see in the storylines is that where Pan's thing was that he was a workaholic and that Robin's thing is that he either works or he gets fired.

The cast looks great too, with Ewan McGregor as the grown Christopher Robin, the intensely talented Jim Cummings as our lovable Pooh Bear,  backed up by some...strange choices such as Peter Capaldi and Chris O'Dowd as Rabbit and Tigger respectively and...those are some choices I can't hear in my head but I really want this to work out so I'll bring my hopes down only slightly.

I'm genuinely so excited for this, I love Pooh Bear from the bottom of my heart, always have, always will and nothing will ever change that. I repeat, NOTHING. Not even the fact that Pooh Bears mouth barely moves which is kind of scary. I get that it's a live-action film and they want it to look realistic but it just kind of looks like something from a SAW game where you'd have to confess your sins in time before your mouth gets sewn shut. Regardless of that, this looks beautiful, like it looks like it could be funny but also like there's going to be a lovely yet heartbreaking...going off the trailer anyway. I mean I cried over little Pooh Bear touch his old friends face so God knows how I'm gonna be at the end of this film.

If what I've talked about with this so far doesn't convince you this film could be great...
Take a look at the poster

Are you not blessed to be looking at something so lovely? Is your heart not overflowing with love and joy at Pooh Bear in Christopher's hat? This should be the only convincing you need to see it?

What? Need more? Well here's the trailer.

Christopher Robin - 2018 Teaser Trailer

Go and support this bear in helping his old friend.

That would be it from me, have a good night and be careful of those heffalumps and woozles.


This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about the films listed. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like the films listed then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray or paying for a ticket to see the film in theaters.

Top 10 worst films released in 2017

I did the best, now I guess it's time for the worst.

Alright so hopefully you've read my last list, of the 10 worst films I've seen this year in cinema's. Again, I would like to remind you that this is just a list based on my opinion and I'll only be talking about films released 2017 and to be honest...a lot of the films I saw this year suuuuuuucked. I don't know if it's becuase I'm a glutton for punishment or I just love trashy things or this is some of the "best" Hollywood thought it had but whatever, let's get to it.

1. 47 Meters Down                                                                                                                              Sharks are the villan, people suck at common sense, it's all Spielbergs fault...even though he had nothing to do with the film at all.
2. Snatched                                                                                                                                          Amy Schumer can't act, she isn't funny. This film isn't at all funny, it's terrible, all I could think about was slamming my head into the seat in front of me with as much force as I possibly could. A couple of jokes landed but for an established comedian...you're not doing good at the comedy sweetie.
3. The Emoji Movie                                                                                                                            Is this terrible? Yes. What's worse than it being terrible? It being an hour and a half worth of ads, losely tied together with a very boring and very confusing story about an emoji that doesn't fit in. Easily the worst animated thing I've seen this year but not the worst thing at all.
4. 50 Shades Darker                                                                                                                           What were you really expecting? Really?
5. Pirates of the Carribean 5: Dead Men Tell No Tales                                                                  But the people who watched this do. This is arguably the worst of the Pirates franchise and it's easy to see why. It had next to no effort put in, Johnny Depps charm has well and truly worn off, his ecentric character is not ar all supported by any kind of story. Whatever story there is, isn't all that great and it's just too cheesy and strange to make anything good and honestly it wraps up what was wrapped up in the third film. There's just no need for it.
6. Beauty & The Beast (2017)                                                                                                             "Oh my God, praised the hell out of this film when you wrote about it, why is it on your worst list?" Because I was blinded by my love for Disney. I rewatched it, back to back with the original animated film and honestly...I might as well have just watched the cartoon again. At least the singing was better and there wasn't any needless backstory or any kind of LGBT representation pointlessly shoved down our throats. I said it before and I'll say it again; representation is important, but in the right places. 
7. The Mummy                                                                                                                                   A poor attempt at starting off a "Dark Universe" and what's worse? Brendan Frasier did it better. Imagine that...doing worse than Brendan Frasier at acting? Man that must suck.
8. Life                                                                                                                                                   I genuinely barely remember anything from this outside the fact that Ryan Reynolds was killed off so early when he was mainly featured in the marketing, and that it's ending was the most predictable thing ever. I remember it looking interesting and like it could be a new take on space movies but nope. 
9. Transformers: The Last Knight                                                                                                    It's a Transformers movie, are you really that shocked it's on the list? 
10. Daddy's Home 2                                                                                                                      What do I even say about this? I forgot about it until I was writing the end of this list and who can blame me? If you have a film that contains John Cena and mild (somewhat) incest between children and you DON'T make that memorable then you have totally failed my dudes. From what I remember of the film it is just a complete re-tread of the original but with the fathers of Farrell and Wahlberg. Unoriginal, try again please. "Well we could make it a Christmas movie!" Unoriginal, try again please.   

Easily the worst films of the year and if 2018 decides to put out more of this, then cinema in 2018 is cancelled.


Anyway's, that's it for today, stay warm, stay hydrated, peace out, byeeeeeee.


This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about the films listed. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like the films listed then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.

Top 10 films released in 2017

Hella late to the party but here we are.


I'm more than aware I've not been doing this for the entirety of 2017, but, I have been watching films since...God, I don't know. Point is, just because I've seen a film in the cinema, doesn't mean I've written about it on here, why? It's either because I've not had the time or there wasn't much to talk about, or I saw it before I started this blog. I mean I only saw one film before I started this and yes it is going to be on the list.

So let's get to it, top 10 films I've seen this year, I've rewatched all (well...most) of them again and this is the best of what I saw, not that there was much of anything incredible that I saw but you know.

1. Split       &       Get Out                I know I shouldn't have put two at my number one spot but Split and Get Out were two of the biggest films from the start of this year and I just couldn't really decide which is worth the top spot more than the other. And don't be like "Well it can't be a top spot if there's two things in it." Yes there can. It's my blog, my list, I decide.
   
   
   Back to the point, Split was an absolutely phenomenal return for the "king of twists" M. Night Shyamalan. Headed by the versatile James Macavoy and ended with the most prolific bald actor in Hollywood, Bruce Willis. Definitely have a peek at the multiple personality film that put Shyamalan back on top of his game.
   
   
   Next it's Get Out and this is a fantastic horror film about race that is not at all pretentious and not slamming anybody of any skin colour. Brilliantly written and performed with some darkish humour in there too, keep in mind this was written, produced and directed by Jordan Peele who is most known for his comedy with Keegan-Michael Key.
   
   
   ***Edit: it's gross that Get Out was snubbed by the Golden Globes, in the words of good ol' Latrice Royale: Good God Get A Grip Girl!***
   
   
   Both of these films are incredible and you should definitely go watch them where you can.                                                                                                  
2. IT (2017)                                                                                                                                           I watched this back the other night with Ben and it's as good as I remember it, but it's got it's problems. Maybe I'll do a Youtube series revisiting my old cinema reviews and be able to fully pick film apart. Regardless of it's problems, it's still good, except for when it's not, the story flows, except for when it doesn't, the CGI works, except for when it doesn't. It's a genuinely well made film with a lot of effort put in but it just feels like one of those films that is made specifically for the big screen. Also, after watching it back, I was able to get clarification on a few things and settle some of my thoughts on it. I have also read the beginning part of the book where Georgie is killed and it doesn't explain that Georgie was tormented by this clown like his brother and the other kids. Guess Pennywise was just starving. Overall, it's a good film and if you're down to watch it then you should, if you don't like clowns then I wouldn't bother.                                    
3. Detroit                                                                                                                               Another film based on race? Why? This one's based on a true story and when I watched it back I stopped breathing at some points. That's all you need to go check this out. If you need more convincing here we go:
   
   
   It's intense
   Based on a true story
   Genuinely got me to stop breathing
   Go see ittttt!!!!!!!!!
           
4. Atomic Blonde                                                                              
   This one kinda flew under the radar for a lot of people and that's a shame. It's a good spy film with a couple of twists and turns you see coming and some that you don't. The film stars Charlize Theron and James Macevoy with a few appearences from Bill Skarsgård, Pennywise from IT if you're struggling to place him, and John Goodman. It's so so so good and you need to see it.                                                  
5. Valerian and the City of A Thousand Planets                                                                     Cara Delavigne can't act, the plot's kind of a mess but the rest of the film is great. The effects and designs and worlds and ideas are just so good that if that's all you pay attention to, you're in for a wild ride. It's worth the watch for the plot if you like messy plots that are full of nothing or if you like Cara but that's not for me. Go check it out though because a lot of critics slammed this film and it didn't deserve that. Go give it a cult following and sort that out. I've read a lot of things claiming this to be a passion project of director Luc Besson and it should at least be recognised and looked at for that alone.           
6. The Ritual                                                                                                         
   Why did nobody see this? I want answers damn it! This was barely advertised and barely watched and barely talked about and that is so stressful. Is it because it's not an action packed, gory, suspenseful horror? Is it because it's pretty calm and almost an homage to The Blaire With Project and M Night Shyamalan's The Village? Is it because it's an English cast?  I hope not because that's just rude.
   
   
   You really should watch this, it's so good and I can't even express how disappointed I am that nobody went to see this or talked about it. Shame. Shame on all of you.                           
7. Guardians of the Galaxy 2                                                                                                           I mean...obviously. It's Guardians 2. It's only so low on the list because of how predictable it was to someone who knows nothing about the stories or comics or anything.     
8. The Lego Batman Movie                                                                                                          The Lego Movie was pretty sick and the best character from that film got his own movie? Of course that's on the list. It's only so low because at times it was predictable but wasn't fun in its predictablility. That's it, although it does get a lot of points for slamming Suicide Squad.
    
9. Spider-Man Homecoming                      Another Marvel movie, another spot on the list. The reason this one is so low is because the villain, though portrayed by the best Batman, Michael Keaton, is a little boring sometimes and that's sad. I would also like some sort of short backstory as to how Spider-Man became Spider-Man. I get this one didn't want to harp on the backstory too much and pick up where it could but...some origin story for someone who didn't know anything would be nice. Don't make the whole movie about it, just maybe like a Previously in the Marvel Cinematic Universe... Y'know?
   
   
   Should watch it regardless of that though.
                                                                                     
10. Jumanji                                                                         Not as terrible as it looked and is a decent update on the Robin Williams classic. Very predictable and can run jokes into the ground, but a lot of the jokes are funny. It's got a really good cast of The Rock, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Nick Jonas and Karen Gillan. I don't think that this is a remake, or a reboot, more a sequel. A lot of people told me it was a remake and that was a lie. This is most likely a sequel but it could also stand on it's own as a decent film about a game.
    
    
    Check it out in cinema's while you can, if not wait for it to come to DVD or Bluray.                                                            

If this is the best that 2017 can give me then I'm so down to watch what 2018 can give us. I hope it's better but if it's not, we got some decent things so...it can't be that bad.


Stay warm in the cold guys, stay hydrated and I'm out. Peace.


This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about the films listed. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like the films listed then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.

An update

I suck and that's ok.


Honestly though, I really am sorry I've been so inactive lately on this blog and that's mostly because in the run up to Christmas my laptop had some issues so I took it to go and get fixed, which in all fairness, they have done. The problem with that is, they haven't sent it back to me, they sent it over to Ireland which...thanks for the acknowledgement of my heritage but y'know, ya girl lives in England not Ireland.


The only way I've been able to write anything was when I was at uni or when I had my friends laptop so I could do my essay. Since then I've not really been able to get my hands on anything to be able to write which means everybody suffers.


Ways we all suffer

• I have nothing to do with a full head of ideas
• You have no content
• My grades may go down

As of now, we shall suffer no longer, I have access to a computer so I can stay late at uni and write to my hearts content, late into the night (when the library closes).


Anyway, I'm sorry about all this, regular content will be coming, hope you all enjoy it.
I love you, stay warm in the cold and stay hydrated wherever you are. Peace out.