Babe

You will believe pigs can talk.

Director: Chris Noonan 
Writers: Dick King-Smith (Novel)
               George Miller (Screenplay)
               Chris Noonan (Screenplay)

I'm gonna get this out of the way first. When I was little this film freaked me the fuck out. I'm not joking, it kind of actually blew my mind as a 5-year-old. These animals were actually speaking, there wasn't any gum in their mouths, there weren't any obvious camera tricks that my little brain could have picked up on. These animals were acting and it scared the hell out of me, what if I told people I didn't like the film and that duck came for me? What's gonna happen if I eat meat? Will a pig come for me? These were the questions that plagued my mind as a kid and actually sent me into vegetarianism at a very young age. My parents had no idea why I suddenly wasn't eating my burgers or turkey dinners but they thought I'd picked it up at school. These days I'm a big fan of the chicken nugget and this film because I'm still so blown away by the effects, puppetry and animatronics. Like it does still kinda freak me out, y'know with that animation during the opening credits and that kinda off music that's trying to sound intense and whimsical at the same time but actually kinda sounds like some bad creepypasta music? But I appreciate it now because I understand the mood it's trying to set you up with. As a kid I would have probably shit myself if I saw these animals talk and act like...humans really. If it was quirky music leading me into this fun story about a pig who loses his family and almost gets eaten for Christmas dinner. Like I said in my Cry Baby Lane review, if you set the mood right, kids know what they're gonna be let in for and can choose to get out at that point if they think they can't handle it. Enough about my history with it, though, let's get talking about it.

First of all, I want to condemn this film. Not because it still kinda fucks with me but because I believe this is where Illumination studios got the idea for the minions, that shit's not cool guys. If you're unaware of what I'm on about, there are three little mice that sing together and introduce the different chapters in the film. They're genuinely adorable and don't really harm society like those yellow pills are. If you don't know what minions are then...go look them up yourself, I've given them enough attention.

Next, I wanna talk about that scene where Maa (Miriam Flynn) ~ spoiler ~ dies. I'm amazed I even forgot about that. So basically, Maa, what a great name for a sheep, is Babe's (Christine Cavanaugh) first insight into the way sheep work and praises him for being polite and lovely and that this is going to help him go far. Essentially, Maa...God, I just can't get over that, Maa is the lovely encouraging elderly lady of the film, a Grandmother figure to Babe if you will. Now, in the film, some rude guys come in and let their dogs loose and eventually they get chased off once Farmer Hoggett (James Cromwell) has been alerted to what's happening but leaves Maa as a casualty of the carnage. So considering this is a G-rated film she's probably just sprained her ankle or gotten a bump? Nah this thing gets its throat ripped out. Like you see the gash in the fleece, not the skin but...you know what it is. You know that thing's dying. It gets darker, though, you see the body hanging over the side of the back of the cart thing. Tongue hanging out and everything. I honestly cannot believe I forgot about this, I mean I haven't seen this film in....at least 10 years or so, so at I can understand that as a kid I would have just accepted this and just felt uncomfortable but you know people would complain about it, protest it even. But shit, I just...I understand why this scene was put in with a G rating, and I love that this would have challenged me as a kid and even taught me about death because I sure as hell know that my parents didn't tell me about it. Crazy fucking scene this.

There's also the very unrealistic representation of a human being waking up early in the morning. Crack of dawn early. Esme Hoggett (Magda Szubanski) just sits straight up and ready for the day, going so far as to praise her alarm clock. Dunno if this character is on drugs or a non-human creature wrote this or this is how she or the director thinks that this is how farmers wives wake up in the morning but damn. I struggle waking up from a nap. Actually no, I wake up from a nap and go straight back to sleep. I'm a serial napper. So if it was the drugs I want a lifetime supply because I sleep too much and I don't really wanna look at life, it's getting pretty unhealthy at this point, it's ruining my life. Point being, nobody wakes up like that, let alone praises their friggen' alarm clock. Fuck me.

Then, there's a comment from Ferdinand the duck (Danny Mann). Quote: "I suppose the life of an anorexic duck doesn't amount to much in the broad scheme of things." And yes, those are the exact words used. I heard the line while writing a previous note about thinking the duck was voiced by Gilbert Gottfried and thought to myself...no...no that's not right? So I rewound the DVD and played it again and thought...the same, so again I rewound but this time I put subtitles on, I pressed play and for damn sure that's what the subtitles said. I was just kinda gobsmacked really. So many questions were running through my mind, why is the duck anorexic? Why is he calling himself anorexic really? Has he been diagnosed by a vet? A Quack? ~Please laugh that was really funny to me~ How would a farm duck even know what anorexia is? Do ducks even have mental illness' such as anorexia? So many questions flying through my mind and I just thought well...move on. You're not gonna get any answers from a paused DVD. So I pressed play and tried to shake that weird feeling. Guess what? It ain't brought up again. Like...I guess there would be answers in the book but for someone who's never read the book then...where're the answers? And what about the parents of those overly observant kids who may have picked up on it? Imagine the questions they'd get on a farm/park/petting zoo etc visit. Jesus Christ.

The angle's on the humans are a little weird, except for some on the farmer, I mean I get that we're seeing this through the eyes of the pig and that he sees these people through an uncomfortable lens except for him because he treats him well and feels...better about him than the others. But do we really need the wide angle of the Hoggett's granddaughter crying and being an ungrateful cow over the fact that she didn't want the dolls house that the farmer had built for her and put all his love and effort into building for her? She wanted the one she saw on TV. And as she cries, you see her mother, I think it is, smiling in the background like...who raised this child? For real, who raised her? Y'all aren't doing it right if you're watching her have a tantrum and grinning like "oh dear, sorry pop but ya did wrong making something sentimental for her, you're a fucking joke you pop." Bad parenting. And the thing is, there's a close-up of Hoggett's face and you see his hope and happiness and excitement die in his eyes. You see a will to hate this kid for the rest of his life build in his soul. You see the pain and you really feel for him. Poor guy. Christmas really is carnage.

My last gripe is that the final third of this film just kinda flies by, Maa gets ruthlessly murdered, Babe is allowed into the house, finds out pigs are food, he runs away, gets a cold, refuses to eat, gets a top song sang to him, eats something and ends up competing in Sheepdog Trials and, no surprise, wins. This really does just kinda fly by and you're thinking...the chapters are so short anyway so why is this just rushing to end? Is it because you don't want to kill anything else? Do you not want any more cult-like vibes after the "Baa, ram, ewe" thing, and don't come at me saying it's not cultish because that's how you're seeing it but maybe that's because you drank the Koolaid as a kid. I did too, but as we grow and we become aware of things, other things resemble cults and this is one of them. Beware of sheep guys, they're gonna indoctrinate you into their...grass eating ways...
I got off topic there, my point being, I don't understand why this just kinda sprinted to the finish line after it was taking a pretty well-paced jog throughout the beginning.

Despite all my bitching, this is still an incredible film, the effects hold up so fucking well like...really fucking well. I was just as blown away today as I was when I was a 9 year old. In some places, it does look a bit clunky and the dubbing isn't great in a couple of places but really...who cares? This is genuinely amazing. I really can't praise it enough. It looked like animals acting back then and it looks like animals acting today. If films today can take note of this and start making use of multiple effects and a lot of effort then people will still talk about them. Maybe with all the live-action remakes that Disney is doing, they could do this and their remakes won't be forgotten about so easily. Just a thought. Christ, I can't say anything nice without bashing something...

Another really good yet odd thing I noticed, which I'm not going to complain about, the humans don't get a lot of dialogue or development. This is important because, y'know the story is about a pig and his social struggles, not the farmer being a lucky idiot. You'd think this would harm your connection to these people but it really doesn't. They don't say much but from their body language and the way they handle themselves and the things around them, you really feel it. You really do feel it and I just find it amazing that this is something that's done so well when you very rarely see it in today's world. These days, the tree down the road that has nothing to do with anything gets its own scene of exposition and...I don't know, it's just nice to see something so chill in a way you know? You're not being bombarded with information. The story knows where it's focus is and stays focused.

Finally, let's talk about that musical number. You know the one. If I had words. Fucking lovely song that, I remember as a kid if I had a nightmare about this Otis TheAardvarkk toy I had that genuinely scared me, I'd go to my parents and get rejected because...it's a fucking toy get over it, so I'd go back to bed and sing this to myself. I almost forgot this song even existed until I put the DVD in and thought...shit, this is the film with that song, and I just got insanely excited for that scene. When it got to that scene I cried, not hard or anything but tears were definitely rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. I almost forgot that once Hoggett had finished singing to the pig, he tries to entertain him by dancing for him and it just...I cried more I can't lie. It shows that this man was willing to soothe his pig and then try to cheer him up by making himself look like a tit. It really is beautiful to see, this man cares about the emotional stability of his pig and I shouldn't have cried over it but I did. It's a shame the scene ends so abruptly but...wouldn't you stop dancing for your pig if you clocked that the rest of your farm were watching you through your window?

Overall, I still love this film. It's darker than I remember, no doubt about that but now that I'm older and watching it again I'm thinking...wow, this has so many things I never really picked up on as a kid but I appreciate a hell of a lot more as a pseudo-adult. I'm 19, I don't wanna be an adult, technically I'm still a teenager so we're rolling with it until I'm 20. Anyway, if you've not seen it in years or haven't seen it at all, or hell, if you watched it last week, I urge you to watch this again. This film is a little masterpiece that I feel flies way too far under the radar.

This is just my opinion, if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then please go and support its creators by buying the book, DVD or Bluray.