Top 5 Simpsons Tree House Of Horror Episodes

I really am a terrible person

So here's what went down. I got sick, I went to post some stuff and I have no idea how I managed it but I deleted a lot of my posts. I hate myself for this but what I don't hate myself for is binge-watching every episode of The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror and considering it is the month of Halloween, these are Halloween themed episodes and The Simpsons just flat out refuses to die, it only seems fitting that that's something I can talk about. So in today's rushed out post, I'm gonna be listing off my top ten favourite Treehouse of Horror episodes.

There isn't any particular order to this list, it's just my personal favourite episodes and you're more than welcome to disagree with me on this.

1. The Simpsons Halloween Special. The first in the extremely long line of Simpsons episodes and easily one of the best. The episode begins with the children, Bart, Lisa & Maggie telling scary stories up in the treehouse. The stories in the episode were Bad Dream House, Hungry Are The Damned and probably the best and most Simpsons parody of Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven. Honestly, this is probably the best as it's kicked off a series of episodes that is most likely the only thing keeping The Simpsons alive. Everyone gets excited for these episodes every year and this was a great jumping off point.
2. Treehouse Of Horror XXVI. The episode in which Sideshow Bob finally kills Bart Simpson. If you're not familiar with the (too) long-running series, Sideshow Bob Roberts was once Krusty The Clown's sidekick on his kids tv show, Bob eventually tired of being the punchline to almost all of Krusty's jokes and decided to frame him for armed robbery at the local shop in order to take over the Krusty The Clown show. Luckily, Bart believed in his idol and did everything he could until he was able to foil his evil plan and since then, Sideshow Bob has had a drive in him to murder the boy and he eventually did. I mean it did take him a good 27 seasons and didn't even manage to do it in the canonical series, he did it in the anthology series which both does and doesn't count. Either way, it's a definite fan pleaser, especially when The Simpsons was pretty much dead, it brought a little bit of traffic back to them. The other two stories in this anthology are alright, them being Homerzilla and Telepaths Of Glory. With the whole of the 27th season being boring at best, this was a good one to get you through Halloween.
3. Treehouse Of Horror V. The very first Halloween episode of The Simpsons that I ever saw and it scared the hell out of me as a kid. My mum told me that this one would freak me out and it really did, put me off of watching regular Simpsons episodes in the dark, and that's thanks to the segment known as The Shinning. "Don't you mean The Shining?" No, what do you wanna get sued? (That's my favourite joke of the whole episode). The Shinning is, of course, a parody of the Stephen King hated version of his own work, The Shining by director Stanley Kubrick and oh my God if this isn't on a lot of fans lists for favourite Halloween episodes. The other segments are great too. Time And Punishment being about Homer trying to fix the toaster and managing to change history in doing so. Following the rule of "if you ever travel back in time, don't step on anything" it results in some pretty fun outcomes every time Homer tries to fix time. And finally, there's Nightmare Cafeteria in which the school faces an overcrowding situation and finds that cannibalism is the best way to sort that out, owing to the classic 200 Miles To Oregon for its inspiration.
4. Treehouse Of Horror XXV. Easily my favourite one, outside of the first one. In this episode, we see current Simpsons meet their very original Tracy Ulman versions of themselves in a segment called The Others. I love this idea of old meeting new and seeing really how far everything has come since the very early days of these characters and their life. It all ends in tradgedy however but I won't spoil that here. There is also a pretty...bleh but not so bleh parody of one of my all-time favourite stories and films, A Clockwork Orange. It doesn't follow the exact story yet there are a couple of funny jokes playing with the films iconic moments and the language of the book. The other story which is pretty forgettable School Is Hell, yet it still manages to be better than a lot of previous seasons. 
5. Treehouse Of Horror XI. The one with the dolphins. I remember watching this one as a kid and for some reason, it was on really late at night, like 10 or 11pm. Which, for a 9-year-old, is pretty late, hell it's late for a 20-year-old, that's beside the point. I remember getting to stay up late this one night and the only thing on tv was this and I had this weird thing about dolphins that just freaked me out. As I've gotten older I've watched this over and over again, and the plot to the segment Night Of The Dolphin is both fun and interesting. The other stories in the episode, G-G-Ghost Dad, a parody of the Bill Cosby crap fest of a similar name (Ghost Dad) in which Homer eats a piece of broccoli and dies has a really funny ending, despite it not being a great part of the episode, and Scary Tales Can Come True in which Bart & Lisa are Hansel & Gretel and go through that story in the only way they can. The Simpsons way, which is very hit and miss but still good.

Alrighty well that's it for this one, stay tuned for another couple of posts to finish up you're Halloween. Not like you'll be reading these on the day as you'll probably be enjoying getting wasted or something. Either way, stay hydrated and stay safe out there. You know there's a lot of crazies out there this time of year.

This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about the films listed. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like the films listed then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.

Annabelle

It's a possessed doll so of course it's scary.

Director: John R Leonetti
Writer: Gary Dauberman
Runtime: 99 Minutes

Plot: A young couple experience some supernatural shit after the daughter of their neighbours is taken in by a cult, kills her parents and tries to kill them, failing to do so she kills herself and possesses a doll, ultimately forcing the young woman to make a terrible choice.

It's a dumb film. There are so many points where you think it's gonna be cool and you're going to love what you've seen and then it just manages to go back and unravel what it's done. This was a terrible start to spooky month and I don't know why I didn't just watch Creepshow or something first. The acting isn't good, the scares are cheap, the creepy doll was creepy before it got possessed soooo....let's just get into this shit.

So first, the acting is crap. The actors are attractive enough to bring in an audience based on "oh he's so cute", "oh she's gorgeous" but outside of that, they have no chemistry, are more boring than the smell of wet cardboard and are putting way too much effort into whatever it is they're trying to do. I will say that the writing has a severe impact on the way that Ward Horton and Annabelle Wallis deliver their performances but damn, they tried too hard for this to sound like a real conversation but there is no way that could be possible. Own that cheesy-ness and you'll have a better movie.

Second, the characters make some dumb decisions. First John (Ward) buys a doll and says that they will be behind on the rent for a while which if you knew you would struggle financially once you bought that thing, why buy it? You have a baby on the way dude, don't make dumb financial decisions like this. Then, when Mia (Annabelle) decides she doesn't want the doll anymore due to everything that went down which, y'know, a crazy cult lady comes in and tries to kill you and your unborn baby, then dies holding that doll, you're not gonna want that thing anywhere near you. The problem with her wanting it gone is that John decides to just trash it. If that thing cost as much as he implied it did, I'd demand that shit got sold for his money back or at least a fraction of it. Maybe he wouldn't have had a lot of interest in it but...it's an apparently very rare item and will always have interest.

The scares in this film, as I mentioned before, are so cheap. Count how many times a door closes or there's a jump scare. I don't even mind jumpscares in a film, but I think it's just a little too easy to do to get a reaction from an audience. And personally, I don't think seeing a door open/close all by itself is even scary. We know this is a scary film, we know there's a demon or whatever so why does it constantly close doors? How is this scary? How does it build tension? It doesn't and it's stupid and it's gotta stop.

Finally I'm just gonna talk about the actual Annabelle doll and how this movie version are nothing like each other. The real doll is actually a Raggedy Ann doll and while I completely understand why they couldn't use a Raggedy Ann, why would the people behind that creation want their product to be involved in a series about demons and cults? I know I wouldn't. So faced with this problem, the design team needed to create something from scratch and they came up with something that was absolutely nothing like the original. This doll is already piss yourself scary and it makes a person wonder why anybody would buy it, whether it be in it's clean, new condition or whether it be the absolutely fucked version at the end. They could have at least made it look more...innocent.

I dunno, I can't really find anything that great in this, the only thing that really stands out is the basement scene in which Mia is trapped in some seemingly alternate dimension where she can't escape the basement and honestly, it's a pretty good scene. Builds tension nicely and gets you on the edge of your seat. Shame it's in this movie where literally everything else sucks.

But that's it, I know this is a fairly underwhelming start to spooky month, I was thinking about just posting my IT review to start it off but I just had to get it out there. I promise the rest of this month will be better and, enjoy spooky month pals. Peace out, stay hydrated and bye.

This is just my opinion and if you disagree then that's great, I'm open to discussion and I'm always interested to hear how you feel about this film. This is also a critique which is considered "Fair Use" under the Copyright Act 1976. If you like this film then go and support its creators by buying the DVD or Bluray.

Movies Made For Cinema

It's Spooky Month bitches! You know what that means right? Scary movies all month.

Quick disclaimer though, this is being written on October 3rd whereas all the shit I've written for this month is all ready to go so...all I gotta do is remember to post it (new schedule to follow, check Facebook and Twitter for details guyssssss) and it's smooth sailing. Also, if the police read this then...you guys stop here. I'm gonna be detailing some criminal activity that I don't want you to know about. Onto what ya'll are here to read.

So I watched the remake of it recently and I thought "damn, that got me a little" and I was just so down to see it again to get a second opinion on it, nobody wanted to go with, I didn't wanna pay shit loads of money and because I'm a rebellious little millennial, who shares a social network platform full of other rebellious little millennials, the full movie got shared onto my feed. Shit quality but if I can sit in a baggy shirt, stuff myself with Mac & Cheese balls and watch a film, I'm gonna do it, regardless of quality. The only thing missing from that ideal night is a blue Tango Ice Blast. Either way, I was a criminal for a night.

As I was watching it, I realised something odd. I realised I wasn't as scared as I was at the cinema and it's not because I know what's coming. I know what's coming in The Exorcist and that shit's still scary to me. I only realised today that it could have been a number of different things contributing to the situation. I started thinking back to what a lot of films have been doing lately and that's to be a box office pleaser and not really focusing on the re-watch value which, arguably, generates popularity for films that either obscure or have gotten themselves to a cult status. Marvel films do it, have you watched Deadpool again recently? Not as funny as it was the first time right, because even though a lot of heart and soul went into it, there's not a lot of re-watch value, unlike something as timeless (in a sense) as Mean Girls. And it got me thinking, what is it that makes a film look so good that you want to buy it on Amazon, DVD, Bluray or whatever? What is it that makes you want to come back to it? Well I had a good old think about it and I found some things that might be somewhat of an answer.

First, there's everybody else getting spooked alongside you in the cinema, if you go with someone who scares easily at films and like me, you're the sadistic type that not only gets a kick out of the film but the fear of the person/people around you, then you're gonna have a blast. The problem with watching a film alone is that you can still enjoy the film, but you might not enjoy it as much as you did at the cinema. This is because you're a part of a collective experience at the cinema, you're feeling the same as a lot of the people in that room which means your opinion is most likely going to be different when you see it alone stuffing yourself with Mac & Cheese balls.

Then there's the atmosphere created by the cinema, if you know exactly where to sit in a cinema for maximum sound and visuals then you know how to have a good time. Sound and sight are two very important senses to have when you go out to see a film and if a film has you by those senses in the cinema, you're more likely to go out and buy the film when it's available to purchase for home use. Putting more money into Hollywood pockets.

And then, you have the film itself, and the shots used in the film. I'm sure by now, a lot of you have either seen the film, have said "I'll go see it" but most likely won't, or you're gonna wait for it to be online to watch for free. I'm not gonna judge, but I'm sure a lot of you have definitely seen the trailer, and there's a moment in the trailer that's good trailer fuel and pretty good for the big screen but...not so much for home viewing. It's the projector scene. If you've not seen it either find it on Youtube, I know it's there, not great quality but you get what you get. The problem with that scene, while it is amazingly scary, doesn't work when it's on a tiny screen, on your lap, in your home. You're not immersed in the curved screen or the loud sound (unless you have earphones in), you're not in a pitch black room. You're in a bedroom where you're in control of getting away if it gets too scary.

And that's the biggest problem with made for cinema films. You have to make the audience want to buy your film, hell if you don't make your money back in the box office you have to be certain you did a good job to make back your money in home sales. So if you do a good job making sure something is bigger than your audience in the cinema, it has to be at least similar when it comes to watching at home. If you get nothing from it then people have just wasted their money on a deceptive product.

Sometimes this sort of thing is obvious but most of the time it's not, so you gotta be aware of what you're watching and when you leave the cinema you gotta think hard about what you just saw. Not just to properly digest what you just saw, but to also decide if you're willing to see it again more than once or if you'd pay more money to see what you just watched.

Anyway, that's it from me, it's past my bedtime, I've already forgotten what I wrote, I'm tired, I love you all. Stay hydrated, get some rest, peace out and remember this lil' nugget of wisdom: the best place to sit in the cinema is the exact middle 4 seats, you can vary between the middle 2 or 3 rows. Why there? Because that's where the technicians sit to make sure the sound is working properly, plus you're in the middle of the curved screen meaning you're right in there visually. You're welcome, fellas. G'night.